Bloggables

The Manipulative Mindset

2012-01-15T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Manipulative Mindset

We come across many types of people in our daily lives, but ones who think he/she can manipulate are the ones who really put my boxers in a big ole bunch. They think you’re stupid, and can get you do most anything they want. Many times they are successful when making a weak minded person think & feel a certain kind way of just about anything. They might even get a person do things they are not aware of. Like getting invite to tag along when friend is shopping with a promise for lunch or something. The entire time you in the store they buy nothing but when you get back to where ever you came from you find they boosted items, and made you an unwilling participant in a crime. (Guilty by Association)

The Manipulative mindset are those who I feel evil & hateful people! They seem to enjoy

causing heart ache, pain, and misfortune. It’s not a good look but is this not the mindset of a society who says “Get what you can anyway you can?” Those people take that idea way too literal, and almost feel like they have license to do this.

I am not sure which disappoints me more the manipulator or the manipulatee. The manipulator for manipulating or the manipultee for falling victim when most times than not they know their being manipulated & choose to allow it to happen.

People have minds of their own & sometimes make the conscience choose to not use it while other uses their mind for nothing positive. Are there any positive people left in the world? I am sure there is but it’s like trying to find a pacific grain of sand on a beach. The search in my opinion is a continuous one; a tedious one. Sometime it’s hard to see the good ones & hard to see the bad ones as well. The good does not stand out because they are not trying to attractive forces that are negative & would take advantage of their kindness for weakness. The negative, bad, manipulative ones know what they’re doing when they’re doing it & how they’re doing it.

At this point in my life & seem to want to steer clear of both the manipulator, and the weak minded people. Try to find a medium between the two! I know this might be a tall order and I never seem to find people who positive in their outlook on life who stay that way. Personalities change & what was once good might not be today & vice versa. Point is keep your eyes open from the very beginning to the very end. You never know what might fall out of the tree or when it will for that matter.

On a final note manipulation is a behavior learned from a very young age. Even before we knew how to walk and talk we learned how to get what we want. As we got older it transformed into a conscience state of mind. When we do with it, and is a choice we make based on what is best for us

BeBop

Pride network, Blog & Show

Discretion Vs. Closeted

2012-01-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

Discretion Vs. Closeted

Is there a difference in the two? I believe there is but it’s a fine line drawn in the sands of self identity.

I have encountered all kinds in this journey we call life & have seen it all I guess. From super closeted to ultra discreet to even private. What’s the difference?

Closeted have not yet master the joy of comfort in their own skin which leaves them at a disadvantage by hiding in shadows of life. God Help them find comfort & joy in self. The problem stems from stigmas, discrimination's fueled by hate of differences. They are in my prayers & have my support always.

Discreet is the opposite where one is comfortable in the skin, but does not feel the need to broadcast to everyone their sexual orientation. Still another shadow bought on by those same stigmas & discrimination's.

Private seems to be the worst of the three. Living life out in the open as str8 person and we would never know unless told for some underlining reason. When asked he may or may not tell it. It’s only on a need to know bases, and if he wants you to know he will but you will be bound to that secrecy. Yet another shadow contributed by he same stigma & discrimination's.

Does anyone know the true feeling of freedom? Does any lives out totally in the open? Don’t all hide who we are from some & totally open about it to others? Living free & open (If there is such a thing) comes with dangers. We limit those dangers by how we represent ourselves, where go & who we know. Why is we can only be true to ourselves in boyz town, where a mask for the comfort of others? Reduces the attention we could get by just being ourselves seems like a self contain prison if you ask me.

Life is too short to live by societies standards & it’s time we take a good look at ourselves, and learn there is nothing in life more important than breaking the chains of oppression. We need to practice living life as ourselves, and care less about what others thing or feel about the way we life. At the end of the day is those who oppose you pay for you? No! So why care about what other say, think & feel.

I can sympathize with those that are afraid & fear seems to be our biggest barrier to self freedom, but some point we have to take stand & fight in some way for what we know is right.

I live life out in the open but still feel like I am in a contain prison not of my own making! If I can’t be who I am when ever & where ever I choose then life is only worth living for the fight for a better day. I have been fight most of my life to break free, but one huddle after another is thrown in my way, and I jump over them just to have more put in my way. Do I stop the good fight? No I refine my efforts & try again.

It’s easy to let other fight on the front line for a better day while others hide in the shadows of guilt & shame. It takes real balls to join the fight & make it happen instead of waiting while other take the lumps, bumps & bruises to free our community & then run in & reap the benefits.

Join Me!

BeBop

The Narcissistic Personality

2011-12-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

The Narcissistic Personality

Have you ever met a person that is so into themselves they leave little room for you to be into them? Are you one of those people who are so wrapped up in yourself people is turned off by you? I meet people like this all the time & find it so funny they complain about not having anyone romantically in their lives, and everyone is to blame except the one who needs to take ownership of it. I ask them have you looked within yourself for the answer to that problem? They say it’s not me it’s others! As if they are perfect, and need no improvement on any level. I finally say if that is what you think then you will continue to experience the same problem. Think outside the box & take a personal inventory of yourself; attitude included. There is nothing wrong with liking yourself, but if you have to stop at every mirror to admire yourself then you have a serious problem. How do you fix that problem? Only the one with the problem can answer that question. If all you see is yourself then it’s impossible for you to see what’s beautiful around you. Conceited, self absorbed, self serving, and selfish these are the behaviors and traits of a narcissistic personality. Time to get a clue & the clue is not you! Time to take your head out of your azz! Give yourself a fair shot at happiness. Trust me you will glad you did!

BeBop

Pride Net, Blog & Show

Alone In The World

2011-11-27T05:19:00.000-08:00

Sunday Inspirational Mini Blog:

(Alone in the world)

Have you ever felt so alone in the world you felt life was no longer worth living? Have you ever ask your God Why am I still here? When will be my time or when will you come for me? I have asked that question so many times over the course of my life and even more these days. I mean when you have no one in your life to truly love you, your job sucks, you have no lover/partner, Distanced from family, you’re not comfortable in your home, no real true to life friends (Cyber not included), You’re dislike or even hated for reasons which you don’t know, health that is failing. You’re discriminated against and stigmatized. Sometimes I think I’ve been placed on this earth just suffer and never to know what it is to be truly happy. What is God’s Divine plan? I’m only going to keep telling myself it my faith that better days lie ahead that keeps me going. I won’t give up! I will continue to help others, continue my search for a lifelong companion, and never stop loving my family even though that love is rarely returned. Find a better job; make your house your home. Pray for a better day!

BeBop

I survived

2011-11-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

I survived

I was only 6 yrs old, and did not know or understand what you were doing to me!

You are my older brother who was suppose teach me, protect me, and help me grow into a man.

That Easter Sunday in 1972 is a day that will always stay planted firmly in my mind. That was the day you started your path of destruction of my life.

I survived!

When you violated my person in the many ways you did I cried out for you to stop. I cried out for help, but help did not come until after the damage was already done.

I survived!

You entered me with using Revlon Perm did you not know the active ingredient was lye an acid? The scars soon healed both inside & out, but it is the scars on my mind that will always remain planted in my brain for the rest of my life.

Still I survived!

The glass you forced into my pockets & pushed me down on cut my thigh & hurt like hell& 12 stitches to close, and a tetanus shot is what I got along with the memory of how cruel you were to your little brother.

I was meant to survive!

Remember mommy’s boyfriend an officer of the law how’s gun you found while snooping through his draws. You put it to my head & pulled the trigger. Thanks God it was not loaded, and the bullets nowhere to be found.

God’s made me survived!

You tried to smother me with a pillows, bashed my head in with so many items I can’t even count. Drown me, burnt me & ever poison me.

Yet I survived!

You even had the nerve to pull down your pant & defecate on my leg. You made matters worse by finger feeding it to me. To this day I still taste your shit in my mind.

But guess what? I survived!

That line of bleach & ammonia you poured on the floor, as you stood by the door holding two butchers knives forcing an asthmatic to breathe the gases. For many months after I coughed and could taste the gases as my lungs continued to burn. The memory in my still burns my lungs.

My brother I survived!

For 10 long years I cried, cried, and cried some more. Please don’t! I promise to be a good boy, and do as you demand. Please, please, please stop it! I don’t want to hurt any more.

I really survived

Help me, help me somebody please help me. Why has my cries gone unheard? I cry as I toke yet another trip to the emergency room. Mother why do you not see what your son was doing to me? Mother, mommy I know you are not to blame. You had to work but how else could a single mother provide for her two growing boys in the absence of a traditional family unit.

I had to survive

The sudden touch a man’s hand makes me tremble with dis-ease, trust a foreign concept to comprehend. A relationship with another human being seems out of the question. Yet I try, try, and try again.

I continue to survive

My life has been a trip for which there is no quick or easy fix. The process is long, and many times I didn’t wish to go on, but I hold on with the support of professional strangers hoping for a brighter day.

I will survive to see that brighter day!

I was messed up in the head or is it you who is more a mess in your brain? I’ve had more men come in and out of my life I seemed to have lost count, but it is you who is on your 3^rd failed marriage & working on the 4^th.

I guess you will survive!

I reached out to find out why you hated me so much, and all you’ve ever hinted at with no apology, nor a hint of remorse was simply you were born & mothers fault.

You wanted me dead, but God would not let you have your way. I’m here, and here I will stay. God had a bigger plan, a better plan. A plan full of hopes, achievements, and a mission for me to remain! Remain to help others survive the same pain.

Job well done because if not for you there could be no me helping others and with each other’s support We help one another to survive!

It won’t be an easy road but we will Shine, and thrive, because we survived!

BeBOP

God Made Me This Way

2011-06-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

God Made Me This Way

Carl Bean recorded a record long ago titled “I was Born This Way” I believe this to be true in most cases but not in mine. I might not think I was born Gay but truly believe I am a creation of God’s making. I have met so many people over the years, and during the getting to know each other processes the question always comes up whether the other was born Gay or was it an acquired choice. Regardless to this age old question the fact is God made us this way.

This world is filled of hatred, bigotry, with a lack of acceptance, and tolerance. Even the Churches of God refused to believe God made us this way. Where it pertains to the churches one can almost say people who hate Gays must also hate God or his choices for making us Gay. I don’t believe God has made any mistake in his choices of our sexuality, and the problem again is with the people who run the church. These people make judgments based on their beliefs which are reflective of the man above.

I have been shunned for this statement in the past and I will be shunned by it in the future. I have always said to those biblical types the bible is manmade, man written, and man interpreted. Not one I have made this statement to have ever seen, talked to, and heard from his/her mouth the homosexuality is an abomination. Truth be told my God is a loving, understanding, accepting, and a tolerate God, and when they hear directly from his/her mouth that Gay is a sin, and all who engage in these behaviors will be condemned to the depths of hell for all eternity I will be believe it. Until then please, please, please shut your pie hole.

I get tired of hearing how my life is wrong, and it is against God, and this is always coming from people who have not met him. Walk into the light, and return from the light with the proof you preach. The true abominations is in the hatred, lack of tolerance & acceptance displayed by those who seem to think they what is right for all according to the word of God. What’s right for you might not be right for me & what’s right for me might not be what’s right for you. Why can’t we agree to disagree, or do you think it is God’s will to have you commit acts of violence on another group of people because you believe he is saying that way of life is wrong & those who engage in this behavior should be punished, beaten, or put to death. Sad that many people from many different cultures seem to think so. Was that the will of God or is this your excuse to act in an ungodly way? Whoever said God is my judge, and vengeance is in the hands of the lord. That person was right! He was right on all accounts that he/she will pass judgment. I have also heard it said many times that God made Adam & Eve not Adam and Steve or Eve & Jeanine. It was also said to own thane self be true. Who said all of these things? God! Maybe he did but maybe he didn’t. I know I have heard all of these phrases come from the mouth of man, and last I check Man was no God.

My belief in God might differ from your but at the end of the day we all have to follow the law, and the law only frowns on Homosexual behavior, and it is not against the law then we are free to live an alternative life as we see fit to live it. This is life without persecution, and without harm. For those who free to break the law you will pay the consequences in life or even in death. You choose you after life! One of heaven or will it be one of hell. The choice truly is yours.

Remember God Made Us This Way!

BeBop

Pride Network, Blog & Show

Freak Nature!!!!!!!

2011-05-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

Freak Nature!!!!!!!

Whoever said the freak come out at night? If it was you have never seen the likes of me! The freak in me is out during all times of the day & night. Just because it's light out does not mean the freak in me goes in. My freak is with me with every step I take. I go out in the day light, and all I see is freaks as far as I can see. Through my daily travels I see freak everywhere. They might be able to admit it or will only admit it in the shadow or under the cover of night, but they are freak just the same. Time to come out & join the ranks of the super freaks like me!

See there is no shame to my game, and my freak is there always. A super freak yeah that's me, and I make no apologies for it. I love it, and love even more to be in the presence of super freaks like me. The only real super freak I have seen that was totally public with it & was a celebrity was the late super freak Rick James, and the apple of his eye was the late Teena Marie. These two were the serious super freaks; But Rick set it off when he made the record Super Freak. You think he knew what he was talking about? I do!

Where are freaky dudes at? Everywhere!

What make you a freaky dude? Well I can’t speak for you but I can speak for myself & might be able to relate. From the moment I walk out my door I am on a mission to look at sexy dudez, and maybe even court them. This is my attempt to get them into you know where. My bed! My freak nature leads me to always undress every attractive man I see who I would give the time of day to. My freak side makes me think about sex much more then I think I should. It also makes me think I have a problem, and interesting enough I could care less. Now that’s a freaky mutha fucka! I can’t even take a hot bath, or shower without touching myself. I guess you can call it a cold shower or bath with hot water. I know I am a big ole freak & I love it!

What make you a freaky dude? Care to share? I want to know, and might be able to get some ideas to make me an even bigger freak. I don’t think there can be a true limit to a true freak, but yet I do have limits, and yes I still consider myself a big freaky mutha fucka! Let’s do it all except one thing you are not climbing on my back til you put a ring on me. Yes A freaky mutha fucka can be in a committed relationship & be a freak with only the one he love.

I have the nature of a true freak, and I would not change a thing!

Well that enough for now, and I want you to search deep inside your sole, and dig out the inner freakiest in you. What’s more is sharing it! Who knows I be able to get a nut out of your experiences.

Thanks

BeBop

Pride Network, Blog & Show

Disclaimer: Picture displayed in this blog is not own by blogs author, and are simply used as a illustrations of the progressive subject matter.

Depressed, Black & Gay! A Recipe for Disaster!!!!!!

2011-01-17T13:26:00.000-08:00

Depressed, Black & Gay! A Recipe for Disaster!!!!!!

Oh baby this is a biggie in our community!

Depression is a subject that I can really identify and relate with, because I suffer from it. When I say suffer it is on the deepest level! I know I had this issue from a very young, and growing up in my dysfunctional household was a major factor starting being a sickly infant, and child. To continue my path to my depression molestation, torture & abuse by my older brother was a major factor as well. These forms of abuse lasted from the age of 6 to 16, and my brother being 9 to 19. That was a difficult period in my life, and only by the grace of God I am still here today. I made a choice as to what my sexual orientation would be. Sure I was introduced to this behavior at a very young age in awful manner, and made a choice as to what was & now still is most comfortable to me. That gay lifestyle was my choice because interacting in a social, physical & sexual manner with men is all I know. I was not born to be Gay, and although many will argue all sexualities determined before or at birth. I will argue this is not true, but believe it is true for some. Just not me! I was raised with my who lead the sexual experience of our entire childhood block in the south Bronx.

Why? That was the question I asked myself over and over again. Why me? Why the asthma, the beatings, lifelong bruises, forced sexual situations, threats of silence. Why the mask I force myself to wear even to this day to cover up my pain, and make everybody around me believe everything is great or even perfect in my world. I laugh, play, sing, try to enjoy life, and it is all a deception to fool you into thinking my world is wonderful. I suffer in silence!

The mask is a very important tool but is so dangerous as well. The danger is depression! This sneaky little devil can make you kill yourself. I once tried but it was more like a cry for help instead of actual attempt. Hiding your pain when you crying or even dying inside can be too much to live with! Peace of mind becomes a lifelong struggle. This becomes a reality, and one I wanted to escape from. That escape came in so many forms it’s a wonder I am here today to write this blog. The escapes were isolation, sleeping time away, hard core drugs, and the wallowing of self pity. The psychological pain which led me to make risky decision where it come to sex, drugs, prostitution, the possibility of getting HIV/STI’s as a direct result. I over eat, become rude, and sometimes even behave nasty towards others. These behaviors are self destructive, and the self prescribed prescription to feel better. In the earlier days I did not know there was help, and there was nowhere to turn to. No one to hear my cries!

Over time I have learned to cope with my life, and feel all the bad is in the past. Now depression is periodical, but very much still present, and a factor. No more dope smoke fills the air, hard work, studies, and my own place of solitude I call home. Having these things has made things easier, lighter, and not so much of a crisis. This has become my newer reality, but the damn depression is still lurking around somewhere but not as present, or an issue. From time to time I think which has become something I have become careful of. Thinking about the past can launch me into a deep state of depression. Once it hits I am literary floored, and powerless to stop it. All I can do sleep until it passes! The question now becomes how long will I sleep? A week, 3 months, or a year! Fact is I never can tell, and just sleep and listen to the sounds of time passing by.

What did I do to deserve a life like this? This is another question I ask myself often over time. I came up with only one answer! I was simply born! I know that is a sad thing to think let alone say. I however stop at fixing my thoughts or mouth to say I wish I was never born.

This condition or mental disease if you will has been talked about, debate, studied, and medicated. I am one who never went for pills as a solution. Therapy although will help, but pride gets in the way. I open the door to group therapy to finally address the core issues causing my depression only to find myself in a different place when I am again victimized, but not by brother, but other member of that group who choose to hog group time talking about their abusive situation from their past, and selfishly not giving other the chance to get what they need out of the group therapy situation. To talk it a step further they when you do get the floor, and try to open up it is met with minimization of your abuse. If I had to compare my past with some of theirs I would conclude their abuse as a simple walking in the park. Example: You claim you were abused, but you also say it happen after you behaved in a manner which leads the authority figures in your life to discipline you. This is not abuse, but who am I to determine what abuse is as it pertained to you? Nobody! This is why I have chosen to not minimize their experiences, and keep my opinion to myself. The first step toward getting therapy I have needed for almost 40 years has come to an abrupt halt. Do it or would I try again? Yes! This time it will be in a one on one setting. When will I be ready for the serious under taking again not sure at this point?

The above out lines my road which led to my depression, but it doesn’t end there. Not only do I have to contend with my past as the leading cause of my depression, but now I have to deal with social aspects which contribute to depression. Being an open Gay black man, who suffers from depression! Dealing with the social aspect intensifies greatly. The stigmas that are attached to being Gay, the discrimination once it found out, Homo phobia, internalized homo phobia, and shade being thrown at its own community. The battle to be just be who we are, love who we choose to love, and be treated as equals in society which we make the same contributions as the next man, but are treat as substandard citizens. Depression! Yeah we have great reason to be depressed, and with the social issues as a secondary cause of depression I am not sure I will ever be able to see my way past my personal depression in this life time. The politics to quality should be something which is not debated, yet it is. Equality is guaranteed in the constitution. Those who oppose us seek to change the constitution to suit their own desires. (Not needs) Those who oppose us are not in need of these changes, but more so seek to control, and limit minority groups from growing as a community. Seriously depressing!

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell which was enacted by Former President Clinton during his administration now repealed during Obama’s presidency. DADT should have never been put into law! How you ask a minority groups of people to fight for a freedom, and democracy then tell them they can’t benefit from what they have laid their lives down to obtain for all Americans. Our politics at its best! A hint of relief! A hope that we are heading in the right direction toward equality! Same Sex Marriage yet another area that feels like we are banging our heads against a brick wall. With only a hand full of states signing onto Same Sex Marriages, Domestic Partnerships, or Civil Unions we hold on to a slither of hope that one day we will be equal to all as it is stated in the Constitution. If you’re not depressed this might put you there as you may or may not be empathic to our struggles.

Steve breaks down clinical depression as he views it. His personal testimonial says lots.

Joseph Jefferson is one who has fallen victim to depression! 2010, and his demise was a wakeup call to us all. He displayed no signs of his depression, but them again who does in the Black Gay Men’s community? There are many factors which could have led to suicide! Personal life, professional life working with GMAD! Gay Men of Africa Descent in itself can play a factor in once depression. Doing any kind of work for this organization is hard, demanding work which is not always appreciated. I am one who has worked for this organization, and know firsthand how hard it is. When you have a care about the work you do, and are passionate about it, but you have people who work above you who treats you with little respect, courtesy, and dignity the chances of depression grows. People in higher positions often say you have to have thick skin to work in this field, but I say people in higher positions of power over other needs to stop using the thicker skin bullshit as a justification to treat people badly. I people in position of power should take responsibility, and change their behavior & attitude when addressing others. Diplomacy is a stronger tool you can use that will allow one to learn how to do things a better, more effectively. This will get a better outcome, and leave you employee feeling a since of growth. When you practice coercive tactics with get the job done the only thing you accomplish is making a person feel like a failure, and a desire to want to give up. Rude behavior is counterproductive, and serves no one. What was shocking to me was other community leaders such as James Saunders, and Laurence Pinckney who hosted the memorial service for Jefferson, and GMAD did not sign on to have a presence there until the 11 ½ hour. Their lack of support is mind boggling, and makes a statement not so good for GMAD.

Antoine Craigwell is writing one of the first books addressing this issue, and I look forward to reading it. “Depression in Black Gay Men”: A Silent Issue by Jose Bayona An interesting documentary Featuring Antoine, and a snowball explanation of Joseph Jefferson’s suicide by Tokes Executive Director of GMAD

Depression in Black Gay Men: A Silent Issue from Jose Bayona on Vimeo.
In conclusion Depression is a killer, and society perpetuates issue, and intensifies if when it is so simple. Stop the madness, give us our right, stop debating equality and grant it. Same Sex Marriage does nothing to jeopardize the family unit, Fight Stigma, discrimination, homophobia in all forms, tolerate the choices people make in their lives even if you don’t think it is right. Remember it is our right to make a choice for their lives and ask this simple question. How do those people’s choices affect me & my standard of living? If nothing comes to mind I would urge you to put your differences aside, and join the fight for equality for all. 2010 was an incredible year with all of the bullying which led to his suicide off the GWB in a more publicized case of Tyler Clemente. This get off topic a little bit but in honesty I can write this blog with honorable mention of this case. Joseph Jefferson is the one that really hit home for many in Black Gay Men’s Community. More recently a good friend of mine on FB had his God Brother jump in front of an oncoming train on New Year’s Eve in Chicago. Black should no longer hind your pain, self destruction, and start asking for help. There is no shame in reaching out! Check on your bothers who you might know suffers from this silent but dead illness. Support one another, and the recipe for disaster won’t be so frequently a part of our community.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. did not fight only for Black equality he fought for equality for all. Today is his day in observance.

Life After The Adult Industry

2010-08-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Life After The Adult Industry

Many times I have met great men who have worked in the adult entertainment industry at some point in their lives, and got out of the business. Porn models, escorts, erotic dancers, and sex workers are designed to entertain us, and satisfy our fantasies in one way or another

These guys are beautiful but have deeply seeded issues from which there might be no return. Aside from the lovers of adult entertainers who were working while in a committed relationship which for the life of me I will never understand nor am I seeking the answers to this puzzling question. I simply chalk it up to them having that understanding, or the lover have developed immunity it this line of work, and views it as just a job. I have found no matter which sector of the industry they have worked once retired most have one thing in common. Their perception of sex and intimacy has been altered dues to that line of work, and the years they’ve done it. I will exclude stripper, erotic dances, and GoGo Boyz unless frequent sex for pay is a factor which many times it is. The aftermath is to the extent of not wanting to have sex often, or very low sex drive. Interesting thing is they think you are the one with the issues.

If you are a single ex adult entertainment or sex worker who has a diminished sexual capacity because of your former chosen career I would imagine it would be hard as hell to find one who will accept those terms, and I will tell you every man from different sectors of this industry who wanted to have a relationship with me are all still single to this very day. Why is this? Simple for me to answer this

question as it has pertained to my experiences with former adult workers. Your perception about sex & intimacy has been altered. I wish I knew how to advise you on how to get back your groove, but that is a struggle for you & you alone.

Without an open mind there is an automatic stigma attached to this line of work either past or present. Most people I know would steer clear of people in the adult/sex service line of work whether it is playing on our fantasies, or the physical act of doing it. It just does not sit right with many! I on the other hand can see a person’s past, and see where they are trying to go towards the further. I also know that people have the ability to makes changes in life, and that is what I home in on. This is the energy I am trying to get at, and help them along on that quest to be better than they once were. I always hoped if it was with a former Adult service worker I could help them along the way. I determined at the cost of compromising my own happiness, and satisfaction just wasn’t worth it.

I once dated a former porn model, and during the act of sex he was not there. His body was here but he was a non participant which made for one boring sexual experience. I was giving it all I had to give, and he just laid there like I was not doing a thing. I nutted fast, and did not want to talk about it after. I enjoyed his company, and if there were two people in the bed enjoying one another it would have been just as great as his company. He was visiting from another state, and I had a great weekend planned which included dinner, long walks, and midnight boat ride. We had the greatest time except in the area of sex. Before the weekend was over he made reference to all of the references to sex I was around house. Erotic picture, my man wall, and after reading some of my pieces he determined I was overly obsessed with sex. Nothing could be further from the truth I argued. The weekend ended & he headed back to his home. We stayed in touch, and really got to know each other. He was a hard worker in his field after the adult industry. He even wanted to move in with me & attend college. He also told me I would get very little sex, but wanted me support him while he went to school. The support would have included me paying all the bills, buying & cooking the food. I was all for it but the issue of sex loomed over us. I revisited this issue, and he stood firm on the fact I was obsessed with sex. At this time I had to put it all out there, and told him how I really felt about his observation, determination & judgment. I don’t have an over obsession with sex. I have an enjoyment of it. There is a big difference I explained. I went on to say your perception with sex & intimacy has been altered because you used your body as a tool to make money. Sorry but there was no way to say that nicely. His feelings were hurt, and he felt belittled which was not my intension. To make a long story short I decided it was not a good idea to enter into a situation where he would get his needs met, and I’d be left with my dick in hand. What would be the point of having a man who could not satisfy my needs as I would satisfy? Ultimately I would have been treated like a sucker, and in the back of my mind I thought he might have left me after getting his degree.

These days I have so much pity, and sorrow for these men who can give only as much as going through the motions, and not being able to feel the passion the interested party wants to express to them. They have been desensitized to true sexual, intimacy, honest, sincere attraction which includes sex. I guess an open mind needs to come from both sides and both parties needs to be willing participants to give it a fear chance. Some people can’t see past their own want, needs, and desires so what the other want is very little of a consideration. I have to ask in the case who is being the selfish one? At times I think it would be me, but a bigger voice in my head says it’s not. Settling for the sake of being in relationship which lacks certain elements would not work no matter how hard you try to make it work. Issues would continue to come up because one is not happy & the other is content because he had it his way. I see no winners in this situation.

What is one to do the achieve happiness? Continue to search for the one who feels right, does right, and treats you the way you feel you should treated. Like the beautiful creation of God you are. Man after man that continues to come & go, and where is there are trying to go? No where except to the next man who will line their pocket with nothing more than change. I guess the old saying is true! You can’t turn a whore into a husband. 3 times I have dated guys over the past 6 years after leaving my lover of 6 years, and being a big porn collector which help take the edge off when there is no one to satisfy me. I have opened files, and much to my surprise I would find them in porn flicks. Once confronted with the newly acquired knowledge interestingly they would deny it. What is the point of lying about it when films tell no lies? A whore will always be a whore, and I wish with every fiber of being this would not be true, but experience after experience has only proven what I know deep inside. You can’t turn a whore into husband.

Some people might agree with the above, and I am sure others will disagree. These are my experiences with those I have encountered formally of the adult industry. For those adult workers who were lucky enough to recondition how they think about the idea of intimacy, and physical attraction I salute you, and wish you nothing but the best. If you have found love you better hold on to it, and if you haven’t keep looking because love is out there for everyone. If you are a former adult worker and still struggling with of opening yourself up for others to come in on a physical level. Please search deep inside your soul and discover what it is you need to get past your past.

Nothing like a good man to tend to your every wants, needs, and desires! You should be willing to give the same in return. We all deserve to be happy even if we don’t have the ability to give the same consideration in return. Someone is out there for everyone!

My spirit has been broken, but I know from these blows I will recover. Broken, and on the edge of not being able to open my heart to another. What would be the point when my heart continues to get trash, and discarded like an old news paper, or day old bagels.

BBOP

Pride Network, Show & Blog

The Juice Is Loose About Secret Lounge

2010-07-07T06:04:00.001-07:00

The Juice Is Loose About Secret Lounge

Victoria Secret once was a secret, and like Secret Lounge is a secret no more.

I was blessed to have been asked to cover this event, and I jumped at the chance. See Secret Lounge is my new home that will address my night life need. It has been 10 years since this cozy spot came on the scene. After talking to JC I began to wonder why the intimate spot did not come on my radar grid until JCINTIME took over the helm as the promoter. Maybe the owner wanted the right energy to make this club really pop, and JC has done just that. You think the fact JC is sexy as hell is a contributing factor in the success of Secret Lounge. Might it have been he has a great personality? A combination! After all he has Talent, connections, great looks, and a golden personable but professional attitude. I’d bet on the total package!

The house was full, and so many came out to celebrate the success of JC’s first year at the helm and making it happen, and bringing in a packed house every week. His Hot & Sexy Saturdays made it to my short list after scanning other clubs to see if the vibe was the right fit for a man in my mid age. I know I can compete with the younger community, but why should I have to. I use to be a club kid, and all that includes. I have had my day, and had a ball. From The Garage with Larry Lavan, Better Days with Tee Scott, Mid Town 43, and all the way to Tracks NYC. When Tracks closed it bought to an end the joy I use to have in tripping the New York City light fantastic. Those were the days that and just like nostalgic clothing it has a habit of coming back into style. So does the Boogie gene, and baby I’ve got the boogie in my butt bad, and want to paint the town once again. Not Red but colors I identify with. Pride color of Red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple!

As I began to settle into my new spot I realized it is not the dancing I am after, but more so the music and being around people who are having a good time. Times have changed on the club scene! Back in the day we were always coming up with new dances, and when the entire club was doing the same dance to some hot tunes which really made for a great party. (Party over here). Now a day’s people are simple doing their own thing, and free style has become the norm.

The front gives an instant feeling of security from the minute you walk up to the ropes where you are greeted by a muscle bound, hard core, no shit Sherlock security who looks like he takes no shit from no one, and to disrupt the positive flow would be met with swift action. Bam Bam checking ID’s to make sure those entering are of age so the club will be put in no danger. ChefLoveJone stamping you for reentry and the party is on.

DJ IRONBOUND was spinning the beats, and making those in attendance dance work up a serious sweat. I am looking forward to one day featuring him on my podcast show, and if I am really lucky maybe he will become a resident DJ I can rotate in on a regular.

The bartenders poured strong drinks! Not that watered shit you would find at other clubs, bars, and lounges. My personal favorite is a Strawberry Long Island Iced Tea. The bartenders are a pleasant sight to see. Wearing Jeans without shirts would be an incentive to keep coming back to wet you whistle. Brice, Mark, and Kenny make me drunk just too look at them. My only concern is those who drive, but are sure people who drive either designate a sober driver or abstains all together, and all should drink in moderation. Haan is another employee I met but only spent a few minutes with, but his personality was just as warm, and welcoming as all the others.

I love Secret Lounge if for no other reason how sensitive it is to the GLBT community on a whole. This included the Lesbian population as well! The environment was designed for the comfort of us all, and was made clear to me by the sexy erotic dancers both male and female. It has always been a goal to search for a place where both the Gay & Lesbian community which is one in the same community could go and have a good time in the company of their counter parts. Secret Lounge has attempted to do just that, and given time I am sure the Lesbian population will increase.

The erotic being I am loves to see men wearing next to nothing shake their azzes in my face. (Got a dollar? See me dance) With very well built bodies, washboard abs, tasty bulges, and butts the freak in me just imagines burying my face all in. The dancer almost makes me want to watch wearing bib to soak my drool as their well crafted bodies moved across the bar. I even gave a really good look at the female dancer as she made her booty bounce, and butt cheeks clap. Baby! These dancers really get my Juices flowing, and I look forward to going back to continue allowing all of juice to get loose.

JC also has great talents to come though, and show love to their audiences. Most recently Jensen Atwood was in the house. If you think he looks good on the hit series Noah’s Arc, and Jumping the Broom The movie you should see him in person. I was blessed enough JC helped me to get an interview with the Gay community’s heart throb. Every time I turn JC is promoting some new event, and they all catch my eye. Unfortunately I am only man, and can’t go to everything. The beauty is my heart is always there, and wishing I could be there too.

Secret Lounge is my club, bar, and lounge and I invite you to come check it out for yourself. You have mind and can make the decision for yourself.

If you have an event or party you want to have hit up my boi JC at www.jcintime.com

Secret Lounge is located at 525 West 29^th Street

Big thanks to Da Professor, Dwight O’Neil, Haywood & the rest of Dwight’s crew. Even Drama Queenz was in the house

If you’re having an event, and want it promoted, blogged about after, and interviewed on air please don’t hesitate to hit me up at

www.pridecastshow@gmail.com

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Age Is Merely A Number

2010-07-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

Age Is Merely A Number

The last time I decided to celebrate my birthday I was turning that milestone 40 year old point that most men dreads. It came it went, and I got over it.
This is the year I turned 44 and is the half way point to my next milestone birthday which is 50 years young. Another year to dread should I be blessed enough to reach it. I say young because you are only as old as you feel. Plus I am into younger guys, and the youthful disposition and attitude which once was I. Being I am no longer as young as I use to be I live through the eyes of the younger. Please don’t get me wrong I am no cradle bobber, and prefer to be with one who is of adult age, and I do mean well into their 20’s. I am no dirty old man. I shared the life I lived with an older man who helped me grow in the adult I am. I could not be who I am without the guidance of the older man. That life included me being with a man at least 20 years older them I was. See I was absent of a father figure, and grew up in a house that was not only dysfunctional, but a family that had only one parent. My mother who played the roles of both mother and father! This left me and my brother basically to raise ourselves. That is not a shot at my late mother because as a single mother she had no choice but to work to keep a roof over our head, food in our stomachs, and clothing on our backs. She did what she had to do to support her family and it is just that simple as that.

Unfortunately I was the target of a mad man who beat me, sexual abused me, and the effects of his actions has lasted a life time even to this day. The sad thing is it was called sibling rivalry which is a greater set of total bullshit. This went on for 10 years! From the age of 6 to the age of 16, and I am one strong mutha fucka as a result of it. See what does not kill you only makes you stronger. I’m a strong black man because I survived it. I can’t describe the things that have been done to me by this person. The most evil and self proclaimed misunderstood person you would never want to meet. The scares both physical & mental are still there, and will serve as a reminder for the rest of my life. Again if it was not for those experiences I could not be the loving man I am today.

This birthday was one to remember, and really opened my eyes to who really are my friends. Big ups to my sister Dawn, my network assistant Da Professor, Author Donald Pebbles, and even a shout to Sean who left me & Da Professor hanging for the ride to the club with the cake. We got there anyway! Special thanks to Maurice Runea, and A few of my neighbors were on hand for the cocktail party at my apartment. Recording artist Jesse O came out to bless this event, and he needs to know the special place in my heart he holds. Darel a new friend from Facebook & his friend was a welcome surprise and he celebrated his birthday as well I want to show special luv to JC of JCintime Presents. He host my party, gave me a guest list of 25 people, and promoted the party as if it was any other special event at Secret Lounge conveniently located in midtown at 525 West 29th Street between 10th & 11th Avenues . I felt almost like a celebrity sipping on the BBOP Banger which was a delicious strawberry Long Island Ice Tea drink named in my honor. My co worker Shirley J & her GF’s came out to bless the occasion. Know you know the str8 girls love to hang with Homo’s. They had a great time and loved the sexual lap dances they received
from the sexy well built GoGo Boy with his rippling muscles, and a bulge so tasty looking I gagged just looking at it. JC books Parties and; really rolls out the red carpet to make you event special, and one to remember. So hit him up, and make it happen. I know he will!

www.Jcintime.com

I have exclude those that had other things to do, and though enough of me to call, and give me love to minimize my disappointment. You know who you are, and I thank you for your support.

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BPX The Experience Within!

2010-03-25T16:21:00.001-07:00

BPX The Experience Within!

The Black Party Expo was the great experience within! It was held Saturday March 20^th at the legendary Roseland Ballroom located at 239 West 52nd Street in the very heart of New York City.

www.saintatlarge.com

As I browsed the tables of the exhibitors I could not escape the feeling of being in a place with a part of my community I am not familiar with. I know a lot but not everything! I also had the wrong understanding of what a black party really is. It was my understanding a black party is an event where everybody dressed in black. Not so as I found out! It is a party that is leather based, and baby I do look good in leather. I also learned it is not limited to just leather and all are welcomed. Some of the exhibitor was all about leather, and as they demonstrated what the S&M community is all about I must say I enjoyed, even got a little turned on by watching guys getting their bottoms paddled. I don’t think it is right for me but I make no judgments, and to each his own. I do how ever think being a dominate man, and one who has had limited experience with whips, cat of nine tall’s, and have even had a few experiences penetrating someone in various positions in a swing. I did enjoy delivering that pleasure to the submissive bottom I have dominated. I have even dribble hot wax on one dude. Now those were some very hot sex sessions! I have also been invited to many S&M parties in the past, but I regret to say I have declined those offers. Don’t get me wrong I will try anything once and that one time will determine if I ever do it again. I have had that experience and although it was pleasing to me in one aspect the rest was a bit scary to me. Things that I fear always present a golden opportunity for me to challenge and defeat it. I think I will be attending the next one.

When I arrived, and got inside I first encountered the host. The beautiful, talented and lovely Acid Betty. She wore a beautiful costume, captured and held the attention of the audience. As I venture further in I saw Tyra Allure from across the room, and I had to make contact so I made my way across the partially filled room for the start of the Expo. It was a pleasure seeing her again. Langston’s in the heart of Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn it lit up, and all are very entertained when she take the stage every week. She is fabulous!

Many organizations were there to provide mostly every kind of resource you can think of. C.H.E.S.T. blessed this event to bring clinical studies to an epidemic that is changing our world, and still taking lives every day. In order to beat HIV/AIDS you have to study it; research it, and find its core weakness. Then we can find a cure and C.H.E.S.T. is working towards that goal, and helping in other ways. If you’re interested in finding studies you can contact them. Harlem United was there providing HIV testing, and prevention. For more information you can Google it.

Other vendors that was in the house were selling products like Poppers, Erectile dysfunction correction agents, leather goods ranging from cock rings, wrist bands, whips, the finest in chains and much more. Anything you wanted for that good kinky fun. I even saw a few items I would not mind trying out myself. I am glad I know the best erotic zone stores in the city.

I am a big cartoon & comic book fan, and I know many who are too. The Anti Hero, JC Etheredge the popular Gay comics & illustration displayed his art. Check them out at his web site, and give him much support. www.anti-heroes.net, or email him jc@anti-heroes.net.

Quite a few porn company’s were there giving attendee’s the ability to bring their fantasies home. Digital technology has grown right along with the times, and a new concept is about to hit the market. Gay porn in 3D! Who would have ever thought 3 dimensional viewing would ever come to the adult sex industry. Well baby it here! For more information log on to www.Dominicford.com

Last vendor I want to talk about happens to be my favorite porn company Chocolate Cream. I had the distinct honor of meeting my favorite pornography producer Marvin Jones Exec. Producer/CEO & his Larry Williams VP. Chocolate Cream production is my absolute favorite porn company and here is why that’s so. Of all the porn I own which substantial these films have the highest level of sustained erections I’ve seen of most porn companies. The models were in the house, with their ripped 6 to 12 pack sets of abs, smooth legs, bulging biceps and sporting the latest sexy boi trucks. When I talk about trunks and most knowing how much of a fan I am about mens under apparel. The Chocolate Cream boyz really caught my attention, and held it. Justin Timberlake sang about bringing sexy back, but with this crew of fine hotties they did not need to bring it back because their sexy never left. The best part of seeing these dudes wearing next to nothing was observing the big bulges in their drawz. I got stuck, my mouth watered, and I had to fight my inner self to control my erection which my dick gets hard at the slightest breeze. China Black (Blind Date, Movers), Mr. X (Booty Bandit 1,2 & 3), Envy Venom (Got Milk), and Carlito (Dick Are For Kidds, Home Alone, Turned Out Pt. 2 plus many more). I saved Carlito for last for a reason! He is my all time favorite, and finally meeting him in person was a thrill hard to describe. The very minute we locked eyes my nature started to rise. He has performed in so many flicks, and I love to collect his works. I have busted many nuts to the fantasy of fucking him, and oddly enough even had a few of him serving me but I am a top. He is a sexy short brutha who knows his craft, and serves up the dick just as good as he takes it. For such a small guy his bird is long, and has a thickness that will make even a top like me get wet in the booty. For more information on Chocolate Cream films give them a holla. B.C. Productions, www.chocolatecreamfactory.com. Big ups to Marvin, Larry, and all of the models who brings heat to your bedrooms and fantasies! Models are being sought!

Acid Betty introduced many acts which I did not have the pleasure of seeing all, but I did see a very interesting performance by a group bringing back down memory lane in the form of The Weather Girls “It’s Raining Men” (Can someone say Amen). Chocolate Crème Boys graced the stage, and you know your boi BBOP love his porn, and some of my favorite porn models gave one hell of a performance.

In conclusion I just want to thanks all that attended this event. The sponsors, exhibitors made this event one to remember. I must give a special thanks to Andy of BPX for having The Pride Network, Show & Blog. It was my pleasure to provide press for this event, and I hope to do the same for events in the future. For more information on BPX hit them up on their web site. www.blackpartyexpo.com

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Dorsey Does Your Body Good

2010-03-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

Dorsey’s Bath & Body Works

myspace.com/dorseybathbody

(718) 736-5028

I had the pleasure of being invited to Shawn Dorsey’s Unveiling of his new body works line. I must tell you I did not know what to expect as I prepared to attend this event. What I did now is I am very into

bath & body items designed make you feel good, and give you smooth glowing skin. Dorsey accomplished his vision and made his body line work for him on this event. I first thought he only created his body works line for men, and I fast learned he has a line for women as well. I know some effeminate men who would love and live for his female’s line.

It is important to not only have a healthy mind but just as important to have a healthy body on the inside & out. Dorsey is no magic man but he was able to succeed where others big names has failed. His body works line did just that, and the big boyz need to watch out for him, because he is coming, he is here, and is a force to reckon with. The Body Shop and Bath & Body Works can’t hold a match to him, and as a long time customer of both I will now sink my coins in Dorsey’s Body Works line from now on.

He was quite the salesman and not one person who attended walked out without making a purchase. His presentation from visual to samplings was the icing on the cake. I enjoyed observing the personalized attention he gave to all of his clients, and even held the attention of the youthful.

He has a great line with body scrubs, massage lotions, and my personal favorite shower washes. He also makes perfumes, and I found his prices to be very reasonable. The variety of fragrances smelled delicious, and as he presented it, and we tried the samples I found myself wanting to take a bit of myself. It not only had a great smell, but smelled like it would taste good too. He uses the finest ingredients, and puts his competition to shame. It was not heavy with oils! It was more so light in intensity, and far more effective than anything I have used in the past. The only product to even come close is Carol’s Daughter which is far more pricy.

 Gumlicious: Strawberry, Banana, and Raspberry

 Her: Zenzo Flowers

 Sweet Apple: Apples

 Mr. Riddles: Vanilla and Coconuts

The best thing about his line is he has more new body works products in the making, and I am confident they will be just as popular as the products already in production.

I was further impressed by the support he receives from his partner Verdale, and other key members of Life Boys which Dorsey is a active member of.

(I just love when good plains comes together, and materializes)

While talking to him he fast learns his Sweet Apple line tickled my fancy most. He presented him me with that entire line. (Wash, Scrub & Massage Lotion) I love it all but his Sweet Apple line caught my attention. After giving me that line I could not wait to get home, jump in the tub, and see just how good his line is. I have to admit I was even more impressed. Not only did the Sweet Apples feel good, and felt like silk on my skin. I was most delighted when after my bath the scent did not leave my body, and as I woke up this morning and started to write this blog could still smell it. This is where the big names like The Body Shop & Bath & Body Works fail to deliver. I almost did not want to leave the tub, and stayed in so long I came out wrinkled like a prune. The aroma filled my apartment, and if this was a cleaning product I’d be cleaning my crib often. LMAO!

I am looking forward to talking more with Dorsey, and informing you when and where he will be doing other presentation so you can judge for yourself. The Pride Network stands with him, and gets my Endorsed seal of approval.

To see and order Dorsey’s Bath & Body Works line you can contact him on myspace at myspace.com/dorseybathbody or give him a call (718) 736-5028. He's ready to ship your products to you directly upon the receipt of payment

On a final note I am looking forward to trying out these products on the next date that presents a chance for something more than simple instant sexual gratification. This the kind of product you will enjoy not only buying for yourself but buying them as gifts for others not just for romantic purposes.

2010-01-12T06:21:00.000-08:00

Paparazzi Rants & Raves
Dwight Allen O’Neal Turns 20ish!

The house was packed with party goers to help Dwight celebrate his Birthday and your boi BBOP was there talking to the attendee’s. I first want to thanks Dwight for inviting The Pride Network to cover this Event.

First there was a 10th hour venue change which was not the best thing for my network. After promoting this event for over a month the venue changed from the posh Grace Hotel to Madame X on East Houston Street. Madame X is an intimate little spot, and did serve the purpose, if anybody had to a choice as to where this event should have been held overwhelming I think people would have chose Grace. After all someone as great as Dwight should be held in brightest light, and hold his events in the finest of locations. For whatever reason I am still happy the event was a success.

Much talk was delivered after the event and the next couple of days some good & others not. I believe you make the best of all situations & I don’t complain. After all I make your own time good or bad, and if people are not enjoying themselves which I did not see at this event than one can choose to leave. I saw happy faces, and people enjoying the company around them. I also witnessed great support for Dwight as he turned a year older. Happy Birthday baby boi! Hit up www.futureforward.net

At the start of the festivities I along with Nathan 7 recording for the Future Forward interviewed many in attendance. I was blessed to have interview Mega Body. The Sexy Author with a new book about to drop titled “A PASSION TO LIVE AND LOVE” Mega is a sexy erotic dancer, and have even indulged Rap music. I was also blessed to have interviewed his Fiancé, and baby I see an acceptance in to admitted Bi-sexual couple having a solid relationship. Not ashamed to explore their desires to be with someone of the same sex. Most Bi sexual men wait a life time to have a relationship in which they are free to be who they are. They are blessed to have found one another. I love their energy & support of each other. Many can learn from their rare behavior. Mega was one of the models sporting The Tee, and I enjoyed talking to him. I loved seeing him so close to naked and so up close and personal.

Lee Gregory Launched a fabulous underwear line (The Tee). Those that don’t know my opinion on under garments let me school you. As a sexual and erotic being I love to see sexy underwear on a man who I am courting, getting intimate with, or trying to have a long term relationship. I have been known to give just because gifts to the men of my past. I have gone as far as to buy matching drawz in appropriate styles for me & my mate. Giving a man sexy underwear really sends the message I want you to put these on so I can have fun taking them off. Low rise bikini briefs for him and trunks for me. Care to cuddle with me in our sexy drawz?

I talk to all of the models attached to this event which included Nick, Stanley, and Angelo. All were young sexy with tight bodies and the filled The Tee skivvies out nicely in both the front and back. The models shared they were relevantly new to the game, and desires to get further into modeling on various levels. Check out Lee Gregory’s underwear line “The Tee” at www.the-tee.com

Likwuid, Lynne of Royalty Media Group, LLC sponsored this event, and did one hell of a good job. Likwuid, and newest member of Rebel Starr provide great music. Haywood did his usually great job at meet, greet, and steering. Connect with Royalty Media groups at www.royaltymedia.net
I want to give a special thanks to the photographer, and you can check out the web site www.luxurypaparazzi.com

Others in attendance were:
Hip Hop Artist Baron, Sonny Lewis, Last Offence, JR, King Jabbarr and I was surprised to meet Anye Elite who tracks I was just introduced to, and plan to have a more in-depth interview with him on a later occasion. Bry’nt was in the house too, and preformed. Having both Bry’nt and JR in the same place at the same time was interesting and being they rival each other the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. I am happy to say they behaved as gentlemen.

Authors, writer, film makers, singers, and promoters blessed the event to the tune of Jamel Tutler, Steven Emmanuel, Nathan James, Delvon Johnson, Marc Angel, James Saunders, Richard Phelzer, Cornelius life Jones, and so many others.

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I am what I am!I can’t be who I want to be!

2009-12-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

I am what I am!I can’t be who I want to be!

Why oh why do many men continue to identify themselves as Bisexual when they have not been with the opposite sex in many years, and express they have no desire to be with a female, but continue identifying as bisexual.

So Why Identify as Bisexual instead of Gay?

What do you think?

Why does this behavior exist?

Is it more socially acceptable to identify as Bisexual? Is it ones way of staying connected to the heterosexual community? Only you can answer that question for yourself.

(Why ID at all)

Maybe it is easier to lie to ones self; making it easier to lie to those around you!

(Why ID at all)

In this age of sexual openness why keep up the lie, and give the people around you the misconception of being something you no longer are?

(Why ID at all)

I do this much the sigma’s, and discriminations that are attached to identifying yourself as Gay can be too much to some to deal with, and saying I am Bi sexual is might be more socially acceptable. Is it really? I guess that would depend on who you are trying to gain the acceptance of. Some are totally okay with the choices others make for their own lives, and then you have those who have a one track minded way of thinking. They are such unfortunates! I have very strong feeling about those people because they totally take away the chance of not only getting to know a good person, but they also make other feel uncomfortable about themselves. They say things like “That is nasty” or “You are going to burn in hell”, and my person favorite “The bible says man is made to be with a woman” When they say that one I take great pleasure in asking if God himself told you that. Of course they say no so I tell them to let me know when get the official word from God himself. Until that time please don’t tell me about the bible and what was meant according to God. The bible was written by man, and it is man that interprets it based on their own need to manipulate the minds of others.

The ones I am most disturbed by are Gay who feels they have an obligation to out those who are not yet ready to come out. They will have sex with a bi-sexual man, a closeted man, or a man on the down low, and spread the word. They tell their friends who tell the next one until it gets back to the dudes girlfriend, family, home boys, and co workers. That is just wrong! So I can’t put all of the blame of ignorance, sigmas, and discriminations totally on the heterosexual community. We play a vital role in this as well. We are help to stigmatize our kind, because we are sending the wrong message to the greater community. When we out others who are not ready to come out we hurt the chances of them becoming comfortable with the idea of being Gay, and just because we have found our level of comfort with ourselves doesn’t mean other have or should have the same comfort. Everybody has their own process, and must be granted the right to make their own choices. We have to let them come out when it is right the time for them, and not when we think it is the right time.

There is one area where I think it should be all about the person, and he should be given much room to be selfish, self centered and self serving. (I know I said the same thing 3 times, but it needed to be repeated). We should not empower ourselves to make that decision for them or try to force them in out into the open. When we do that we only succeed in pushing them not only further into the closet, but right into the arms of females. We take away the possibility of them ever embracing the lifestyle of a Gay man. Is that what we want? So be patient, and it may happen one day. We have to create an environment that is patient, loving, and accepting. I personal tell a man who struggles with their sexuality that it is okay to stay confined, and in a shell. When you are ready to come out of your shell you will find a wealth of love just waiting for you. At times I don’t always think I’m being honest, but I am showing the best parts of our community. Even though I know not everyone in our Gay community is the greatest of people. I won’t peg everyone as sneaky, conniving, and manipulative, but I am honest enough to say those type of people do exist in our community.

People need to keep in mind that a man who has these feelings may never come out, and it is more comfortable to live a double life. I believe it is not an honest way to live but it is what it is, and we can either accept it or not, but we don’t have the right force another to do anything they are not ready to do for themselves. It is our responsibility to give them support and help them along with their personal process as they see fit to allow our assistance. Nothing more, and nothing less!

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2009 Out Music Awards

2009-12-16T12:58:00.003-08:00

The OMA’s was a great event, and I had a wonderful time! I was not only an observer, and I was a presenter as well. I always have a great time whenever I attend an event at Webster Hall located in the fabulous East Village at 125 East 11^th Street. From the Red Carpet to the Pre-show to the Gala hosted by Rodney Chester of Noah’s Arc, and Kate Clinton an out comedienne , and right down to the after party at the Upscale Grace Hotel at 125 West 45^th Street

So many people lined up to walk the Red Carpet, and as a member of Gay Media now with 5 Media outlets, and a Youtube show in the works I was blessed to be a part of seeing GLBT music artist of many genre’s. Even though I knew these artists exist I have never had the opportunity to meet, and see them in person. Some I was to have met, but many I didn’t get that chance to make a formal introduction. This is just the start, and I am sure I will meet more and more of them in the future. I was not sure if I was allowing the Beautiful Boyz of Prides World Podcast Show (The Pride Cast Show) to come back for 3^rd season, but after the OMA’s it was clear to me the show must continue. I am needed, and still work to do! The Work I have been doing for some time now must not end. I have to continue to support the out artist where ever Possible. So far I have only been exposed to mostly the Hip Hop artist, and enjoy playing their music on my show. I do play the tracks of Jesse O, Nohjj, and a few other artists of different genres. After all my show is based on balance! In the third season I seek to move away from mainstream music, and re-format my show to support all The Out artists in the genres I feature. The Homo Hop Monday show is already all out, but my pop, R&B, and weekend show needs more out artist to make my vision a reality. Not so much the weekend show because I feel house/techno music is Gay anyway. My disco show will remain unchanged after all was not the Gay culture built around disco, or we can even say the foundation of our joy of music started there.

The Pre show was great too! What way to kick off an event this big. Many of socialites and friends came out in support of the OMA’s and packed the house. This area of Webster Hall used for this portion of the show was the party hall I’m sure that’s used for smaller partis that not so small. The room was packed! When the pre show started there were technical difficulties. No microphone, but these things are to be expected at events this big. Once that issue was resolved the hosts were able to speak & be heard, but prior to getting the mic I was afraid for the voices of our hosts. I will say I thought they did magnificent job, and I was engage as the awards were handed out. Some of the awards were present at the pre show, and the rest were handed out at the gala. I will tell you this baby. The sexy De Marco Majors, and co host Julie kept my attention. De Marco I must say as a Gay man really captured attention, and held it.

Wow! What a fine specimen of man. Of course the handsome former pro basket ball player and first out player in Bball was wearing much more at the awards. I however was compelled to show his sexy in these pictures I found o f him on line.

The costumes some wore were incredible! Here’s a couple of pictures of what I wish you were there for.

The Gala was yet again packed in the main auditorium of the club. I enjoyed Rodney Chester. I found him to be very engaging, but I wish I had seen him more throughout the night. So many out artists performed in their perspective genres, and I was all in as they played their guitars, beat on drums, tickle the keys on their keyboards, and worked the microphones. First the first time Out Hop was included in OMA’s, and it was a joy to see so many of the out Hip Hop artist turn out for this event. Many of them I was blessed enough to see throughout the night, but because the house was so packed I did not get to see them all. I did hear from my sources they were in the house. Sonny Lewis (Lou Bang), Bone Intell, King Jabbar, and Soce The Elemental Wizard. JR the self proclaimed King of Gay music who I had the honor of being his host was not only in the house, but preformed some of his track “I’m Addicted to Boys”. He shook his azz all over the stage (Joy). He shared the stage with Tori Fixx who I was within inches of but was not able to make a connection. I understand how stressing it is on a night like this, and many suffered from tunnel vision, and focused on getting done what they were there to do. Great job to you and the other hip hop artist who preformed, and made this a night to remember. I was blessed to be a presenter for outstanding Hip Hop/Rap Song alongside DJ Baker from the Doo Dirty Show. I was an honor to be a presenter, and I have to give much love to Deepa Soul who also preformed. Again I did not get to see her do her thing, but classy lady she has represented to me I am more than sure she turned it out. Damn my phobia of being in large crowned places for long periods of time had me running in and out for air. I know I need to over it, but it what it is.

For Outstanding hip Hop/Rapp Artist the nominees Are:

· Jasper James

· Baron

· Mack Mistress

· Soce, the Elemental Wizard

· Tori Fixx

And the winner for Outstanding Hip/Hop Artist is: Jasper James

Here is the Utube clip of the performance in the Hip Hop/Rapp Genre. I was how ever surprised that no NYC based Out Hip Hop artist preformed on that stage. Why was NYC artist not representing the host city of the Out Music Awards? Hmmmmmmmmmm!

The high light of the night for me was meeting two legends. Willie Ninja, and Kevin Aviance. Kevin who was there to accept the life time achievement award was his forever entertaining self. I am sad to say I did not get to see him accept his award, but I did have the pleasure of seeing, and chatting with him before the Red Carpet when he arrived which I was already there escorting JR to the sound check. I was also blessed to have a moment with him at the after party as he was all dolled up, and got a photo op shot by Dex Star G who has not posted the pictures on his blog yet. Here is one did get before Kevin got into costume.

Another big high light was meeting certain member from Vogue Evolution. I’ve been trying to get an interview with them for some time shortly after their banner fell from the stage of “American Best Dance Crew” I was so not happy with that or Lil Mama’s disrespect of the transgendered lead member Naomi. I have direct contact with their manager, and will be trying to get interview to share them with all of you. I love when my people break ground for us

To top off the night the after party at the Grace Hotel was really nice too and I love the company I was in. Because of a miscommunication at Webster Hall when it came to the open bar the music academy more than made up for it with the free vodka at the after party. Baby I was done by the third drink!

Logo filmed this event, and I will be looking forward to seeing how they covered this event. I can’t help but to feel Hip Hop will be edited out all together, but Need not project on what I don’t yet know. Even if not I was still bless to be a part of this blessed event.

Special acknowledgements to: Tammy Peay, and Lawrence Pinckney (Nubian Dreams Cruise). Much love to Dwight and most of his cast (Christopher Street TV), Maurice Runea & Romeo (The Show), Nathan 7, Nathan James, Taylor Siluwe, JoJo who escorted me to this event, Eric Joppy, E.J. Parker. Shout out to those who won tickets as a result listening to my show. Big up’s to Waddie Grant, Diedra T. Meredith (Deepa Soul), and the entire Out Music Academy.

I'd like to thanks the Out Music Academy for allowing me to be part of this festive event, and I am looking forward to being a part of it next year.

On a finale note here’s how you can hit me up with the links below, and be sure to listen to Monday’s Homo Hop Mondays for audio Bloggables.

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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Yell!!!!!!!

2009-11-23T04:52:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This blog is geared to shed light on an issue that has been made wrong to the very people who serve and love our country. This blog is designed to show the differences between the Gay & heterosexual communities. Pictures used in this blog are merely illustrations of what Military is, and what they look like, and wear. There is no difference besides the fact of which people chose to sleep with. Pictures used may or may not be of actual Gay people.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Yell!!!!!!!

“America The Land Of The Free”

Or should it read

“America The Land Of The Free Unless You’re Same Gender Loving GLBTQ”

The SGL/GLBT has faced some serious challenges in America and abroad. Marriage equality, equality in general, and discrimination protection! Discrimination in Employment, and housing! Protections from violence as a result of our lifestyle! All of these barriers has angered me, and made me mad on the highest level. Nothing has pissed me off as much as Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

The biggest question I have asked in relation to DADT is how did it ever come to pass? Based on my research the first recorded dishonorable discharge was in 1778 by Lieutenant Frederick Gotthold Enslin was (with the approval of General George Washington dishonorably discharged following a conviction of homosexual sodomy and perjury

The passing of DADT came about during the Clinton administration in 1993 in which he promised while campaigning for his presidency to allow all citizens regardless of sexual orientation to serve openly in the military. (What Happen?)

While researching materials for this blog I found this quote from posted in the New York Times.
Sexual orientation will not be a bar to service unless manifested by homosexual conduct. The military will discharge members who engage in homosexual conduct, which is defined as a homosexual act, a statement that the member is homosexual or bisexual, or a marriage or attempted marriage to someone of the same gender.– quoted in "The Pentagon's New Policy Guidelines on Homosexuals in the Military", The New York Times (July 201993)

Many times during the course of political figures seeking office makes these promises on the road to winning their seat, and after winner forget they have an obligation to keep their word.
Now we are in the Obama administration, and he has said the same things. He has claimed he will work towards the equality of all mankind under the constitution of United States. He has promised while campaigning to pass laws against discrimination against people based on sexual orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression. He has also promised to fight for marriage equality. He has also promised & taken steps to repeal DADT.
DADT has been on the forefront of our president’s agenda, and I must say he is making ground in its process. He has also made progress on some of the other issues he has promised to with towards. Much more work needs to be done, and I know its not possible to complete in only one term.

Our mission as a community of same gender loving people, and those who love & support us is to get in the faces of out politicians, lawmakers, and representative, democrats, republicans, independents, liberals, conservatives, and last our faiths based institutions, and inform them of all the contributions we make to our society. They need a reality check that we do all of the things people of Heterosexuals communities do. The fact is we are no different! I can give you a list of things we do that is the same as the people who oppose us, but you know I have to list everything in the world so it is pointless. The only difference I find in the SGL community that is different from the hetero community is we choose to love people of the same sex. Everything else is exactly the same. Right on down to taxes we pay. If everybody in this world makes the same contributions then why are not granted the equality we have worked hard for and deserve.
DADT is wrong & former President Bill Clinton knew it as he was signing that bill making it a law. To add insult to injury he said it was a means to an end. People can feel free to be who there are as long as it is in secret, in the shadows, and behind closed doors. SGL people and straight people alike put our lives on the line to fight for this thing we call democracy. We die in the name of freedom, and told we can’t be free. Where the since of accomplishment for us? I don’t see it in any shape, form or fashion.

In conclusion If we can’t feel free to live our lives in the open & in the light then why show we be willing to give our live in the name of freedom, and democracy when it is not meant for us. Why are we making the same contributions, and paying the same taxes, but being told we can’t reap the same benefits as heterosexuals do. The constitution was written for the equality of all Americans. I ask when do we get to the equality?

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Damaged!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Damaged

Is every man in the world damaged or is just the ones who want to date me?

Every time I have met someone over the past few years that I really like has come to me some kind of damage, or baggage. They come to me with real desire to be loved, but also come afraid of giving me their all because of the past relationships they have had. It never fails every new person that touches my life I have to do some kind of damage control, or fix them as the case usually is.

Sometime they come to me with many issues that I feel I have to pay for the mistakes, or messed up relationship of their past. These guys come with beautiful personalities, but because of the wrongs that has been done to them in they’re past relationships. They have been lied to, cheated on, and in some cases suffered from domestic violence. Some come with issues of either needing to control or a need to be controlled. The worst case is when they come with all or most of these issues.

Why do I have to be the one to fix you? This is a question I frequently ask myself as I determine whether or not I want to invest my time and all of that energy into you with no guarantee of a positive result or ever the possibility of getting him over that difficult time. He can’t give himself to me totally until he has gotten over the issues from his past.

How do you help a man who has been so damaged by others which makes it hard to have a productive relationship with him with the absence of all that baggage of the past? One way is to suggest therapy, but we all know that does not always work. Most of the time I tell them they are giving too much of their power to the past, and the people who causes them pain. Ultimately I stand by them and help them to take their power back. It can be s timely process if it is attainable at all.

The biggest part of my problem with this is how many lumps should I take in the name of winning your heart before I throw in the towel, and give up? The fact is I have never won in this situation, which in turn leaves me damaged on some level, but not that damaged that I am, not willing to try again. I however am aware of this, and don’t let it consume me nor do I make the next person pay it. I have come across a few people who are so detached from romance, and the idea of that they can handle nothing more than a day of sexual attention with one person. The suggestion of having more with that person is enough to send them running to a safe place. A place that is as far away from that person as they can get. The damaged goes from being damaged to causing damage, and leaves that man to doubt himself. He asks himself what is wrong with me? What did I do to make him go away? See the damaged one who leaves another damaged never takes the time to say I only want a jump off, or hook up. They rarely enforce the fact that they not able to invest in another so the other does not invest in him. Sad thing is they rarely even have enough courage or respect to tell you that is not the road they wish to travel, and rather then say so they run. This is a cowardly act, but not everybody knows how to deal with conflict, and find it easier just t walk away

Many if not all are damaged in some way. Who is the most damaged? Bi sexual people some might argue are the most damaged, and I have disagreed in every conversation I have had with others. At least they are honest about liking both men & women, but all have said to me they only see one or the other, and do not juggle both at the same time. I am not always a believer that this is true, and choose not to date, invest, or get serious with a bi sexual man. I will however hook up with one just to satisfy sexual needs. Hard to invest in these men cuz in my mind there is always a chance they will leave me to be with a female, and that is inconceivable to me.

I can’t write this bloggable about the damaged ones, and not include the down low boyz. They are in my opinion the most damaged. I feel this way because they are living a lie. They are living a double life, and rarely are honest to his female covers about their desire to be with a man. I have never known one to be this honest but that does not mean they do not exist. They want a relationship with a man but never allow it to go beyond the confines of indoors. This really sucks on so many levels to feel like, and be treated like a secret that needs to be kept. Sad thing is many of us settle for kind of existence. Not I! I have no problem outside of missing honesty component, but to hook up with a DL boyz is fine but only instant sexual gratification. We cum, and you go!

I have broken it down as much as I can about the damage others comes with. What I did not talk about is my own damage, and yes I too much like most if not all others have some kind of damage. Point is some handle it better then others. I am aware of my own damage, and being aware of it is half the battle.

I have damage that might make the typical liars, cheaters, and controllers look like child’s play in comparison. From age 6 to 16 I was beaten, molested, and tortured by my older brother. I never sought any kind therapy for this difficult time in my life, which would leave scared for life. Scared not just from the cuts, and lifetime scare, but leave me mentally scared as well. It is the mental scares that leave the damage, and not the physical ones. In the 1970’s & 80’s perms were very popular amongst females. Revlon was the perm of choice, and during that time the active ingredient in it was lye. My abuser use Revlon perm as a lube to fuck me, and as a result were I burnt internally, and externally. I healed from that experience, but the mental scaring is on going, and may never heal. Point is that even many years later I will not allow anyone to get close to my azz. The damage is in trust! Even when I healed I was at one point versatile many years ago, and because I was not treated in the manner I felt I should be. I pulled that side of myself back until such a time as I find a man to treat me right. 27 years, still counting, and waiting.

In conclusion it takes a big man to know he is damaged, but it takes a bigger man to deal with it. Where are you damaged, and how you deal to deal with it?

Leave comment about this blog on my page! You might have information, or techniques that could be helpful to others

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Below the Equator

2009-09-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

Below the Equator

Wearing your pants below the equator can be hot, and sexy to some, but to others it is frown on big time. I am going to take this time to talk about this highly controversial issue.

For starters most people don’t even know where this behavior originated from, and I too at some have no clue, but like the look on some & not other. Prison is where it started! If you have ever been to prison you know the take your belt, and shoe laces away from you don’t get the idea to hang yourself as a means to an end. Not having on a belt cause the pants to sag of the azz, and the lower you sagged the more meaning it had behind the walls. If you wore your pant totally off your azz that meant you were looking for a husband, but all of the is debatable. Worn part way or fully off the azz it definitely give me a reason to look at your azz.

Many people in political positions of power have attempted to makes law that would make the cultural behavior illegal, and pose stiff punishments to those who are violation of this dress code. President Obama said it best! “I have better things to do than impose laws to make people wear the pants up, but on a personal level pull up your pants”. Your mothers, grandmothers don’t want to see your azz. I have to agree with him on some levels about this behavior, but I also have to play the devils advocate, and say it is a personal right for people to wear their pant in any way they wish. If you have a problem with see someone’s azz you have the choice to not look, but please don’t tell me how to wear my pants, what to do, or how to act. It is my choice, and I o as I wish.

What is the age that saggin pants becomes inappropriate? Again it a personal choice! In my opinion at my age I would not wear my pants below the equator, but I have seen many people my age and older who do this, and at a curtain age to me it does not look right. I think this a behavior that looks better on our youth than it does on an older man.

The reason I feel this is a youthful behavior is simply because we all at some point in our lives set out to make a statement that is original, and unique to that time. It is a cultural thing, and each generation tries to make it own contributions. I am not going to say what my generation contributed because that will affectively age me, and I have grown sensitive about my age in recent years.

As a Gay man I can appreciate when I see a younger man wearing their pants off their azz. There are lines that some cross that makes this code of dress less than flattering. Like seeing an old man do it, or someone that is over a curtain weight. Even though I respect their right to do this I sometimes wonder if they take a good look in the mirror before leaving out for the day. Maybe they do, and just don’t care how they look, or maybe they seek that kind of attention. I can’t imagine why they would do that but whatever works inside of their heads is fine with me. The ones that really make me laugh hard are those who sag & be wearing dingy/dirty drawz. I even have seen one guy who was sporting the latest in skid marks. What a fashion statement he was making.

One of the things I find interesting about saggin pants is seeing female following along this line of dress. I really have no opinion on this one, but I will say I find very few heterosexual females doing this, and more Lesbians joining this fashion craze. I guess anything that represents boyz behavior is the direction aggressive lesbians go. Whether right or wrong it does not solely belong to men, and they have the right to do this as well.

At the end of the day I really enjoy imagining what’s beyond those sagging pants. Could be an awful, or incredible sight to see. So continue to wear your pants below the equator, and allow me the pleasure to continue to look at that bump. This will allow me to continue to wonder what is beyond those falling pants.

Holla @ Cha Boi!

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Public Displays Of Affection

2009-09-09T13:21:00.001-07:00

Public Displays Of Affection

(PDA)

How many times have you been out with your man, date, friends, and had the pleasure of seeing two people expressing their attraction for one another in a public domain?

Many times I have had to endure seeing this behavior within the heterosexual community. It has burned me up inside each time I see this display, and thought of my inability to share the same experiences with the one I am seeing at the time. The stigmas, discriminations, and personal beliefs that are attached are the blame. It frustrates the hell out of me that we can’t honor our significant other in the same way as heterosexuals do. Even the lesbian community has made more ground in that area. It was easy for them as most things are in that community. I am not saying it is all peaches, and roses, but they do have it much better than Gay men. Two female walk down the street walking hand and hand, and they are looked at as not much more than girlfriends, and most people doesn’t pay it a second mind. Beside what straight man do you know doesn’t at some point fantasize about some girl on girl action. Two females walking down the street hand and hand; show affection for one another might not be girlfriends. They might be lovers! If a girl touches another female bubs in the name of comparing cup size is acceptable, but you don’t see men grabbing each other jock straps comparing cup size. Even in straight clubs females are even free to dance without it being given another look. Point is the foundation has been laid for female where none has been laid for men.

No I am not trying to come off as a hater, or as Alfalfa from the Little Rascals as the president of the female haters club. I am just demonstrating the difference between the two.

As a Gay man will I ever see the day where I will too be free to express myself to another man without the looks, snickers, comments from people who do not have the ability to accept the life style of those that are different?

Men can these days display affection for one another outwardly, and in the open but these displays are localized to one area of our city, and one area of most big metropolitan cities. These areas are referred to as boyz towns, or the villages of those prospective cities. I have much respect for those who dare to go against the grain, and will display their feelings anywhere, and any time. I myself have not had a problem showing my affection any place, but I have had to deal the negative comments, and looks. I may have never had violence from those who hate what I am doing, but I do know of many who were not so lucky.

There is an absence of laws designed to protect us, and more than often where there are discrimination laws in place fall on the death ears of our police departments. In many cases they fall short due to the same stigmas, discriminations, and personal views as mentioned earlier.

What can we do to make sure our rights are being protected?

The truth is we can’t do much more than what is already being done, or can we? In order the keep the pressure on our politicians, and representatives we have come together as a united front, demonstrate, write letter, Demand we have justice for our victim, and bring home the point the we are people too, and should be protected just as anyone else is. We must the contributions we make to our society, force our representatives to fight for stiffer penalties for those who violate others rights, and demand we not be treated as substandard citizens. These actions will take the power of all of us, and this includes Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgenders, and even the Down Low. If we continue to fade into the background, hide in the shadows, and walk only under the cover of night we will never get our constitutional rights delivered.

Equality is written into the Constitution for all Americans, and should apply to all Americans in which equality is guaranteed under that very Constitution. It is written!

We can sit back and allow other to fight our fight for us, and than jump on the bandwagon after the battle is over, and we have finally won, or you can get involved, and let our battle really mean something to you. The battle is not just mine it belongs to you too.

The Pride Cast Show
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“Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye”

2009-09-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

“Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye”

Saying it is over can be one of the hardest things to do, but when it is over it is over. What is the point of trying to hold on to something that is no longer there? Sometime it is better to have loved, and lost than to have never loved at all. Imagine if you were one who never knew what is like to ever have true love expressed to you, and hear about so many people who have that love, and took it for granted.

I have loved and have been loved on some levels but never totally. When it came time to say it is over, and neither of us have anything left to give to the other on a physical or emotional level than it is time to put an end to what is inevitable. I never could understand why people stay together when no real relationship even exist any longer. What I hear the most is two people staying together for economical reasons, but to me that is no reason to stay in a relationship that is not working. I feel it is a waste of time to continue. There are even times I feel people use that as an excuse to keep some kind of a hold of the “partner.” It can also be a control issue. One might be more financially stable that the other and that give a person people to control your decision. “You will never make it on your own, and you be back begging for what you have walked away from”. Many other things I am sure you can name that can be used to control the other and prevent them from leaving. At worse case it can be of a domestic violence issue that can keep one from leaving. This is programs, and org that can help you with that problem, and keep you safe.

Many things can be the cause of relationship ending. The biggest one is cheating, and many times one can be forgiven for their infidelity. Once a cheater always a cheater! That depends on how you think about it. Some may still see the good in a person, and that will give them reason to try hard to salvage what they have. That is until the next time it happens! The worse reason I have ever heard another give for staying in a relationship that no longer works is”I can’t do any better”. That is a self esteem issue that maybe so deeply embedded that one will have a hard time rising above that reduced opinion of ones self. In my opinion that will continue until you take back your power, and think of yourself on a higher level. “You are special, and worthy of another’s love” This what you must tell yourself over & over until you get it, and start to make changes in your life on a positive level.

Having friends, family and a positive network of support can be very instrumental in this process if you have the ability to reach and ask for help from your circle of support. This might be particularly hard if you are shameful about your situation, but if not your circle to guild you in a direction of grown into a greater, and better person than who. Remember your close circles of support will if nothing else tell your truth if they are true to the relationship you have with them.

When saying goodbye that I have had to do many times in my life I have used the typical statements many of us have used, and for some reason. Those statements have not change. I have yet to encounter anyone including myself that have come up with a truly original, and creative way of saying bye. “Maybe we can be friends”, “it is not you it is me”, or my particular favorite “I can only be a brother to you”, and my least favorite “It is all your fault, and you bought this on yourself”. There are so many more that I am sure you can think of. I really do prefer the direct approach, and in my attempt to be direct be gentle. Too often I have heard of those who are brutal, and will leave a person they once cared for totally destroyed, and broken. What is most harmful about the tactic is you have not only destroyed them, but also made it next to impossible for next man. The next man should not have to pay for every messed up thing that has occurred before him.

As for that kiss & say goodbye don’t do it, and definitely don’t ask for one more roll in the bed. It is viewed a desperate attempt to hold on. Just let it go! If he asks for just one more time you must be strong, and say no that will not help the situation.

What is next for you once it is finally over for good. Don’t jump into another relationship fast. Give yourself time to digest, and heal from the previous experience. Don’t isolate, and get all depressed. Rediscover yourself, and reevaluate what you want in your next relationship, and don’t settle anything less. Next man that captures your heart be upfront, and direct about what you seek. Bluntly ask the man if he can live up to it, and than without playing games with him test him on it. How do you test a man to if his answers are sincere, or if he is just feeding you a line to get in your yum yum. I have found the best way achieve this goal to not be so fast to jump into bed. Make him what a good amount of time that is to your liking, and if he is still there when you ready than it might be safe to give him a fair chance.

I might not be the foremost authority on relationship issue. I am not a specialist, or therapist. I merely write, and share those experiences I have been through, and those experiences from those I have encountered, and was fortunate to have share their situation, and seen it through their eyes.

Lastly there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help if you can not work through it on your own, and the crisis just too much to bear.

Thanks for taking the time to read this Bloggable, and I hope you got something out of it.

The Pride Cast Show
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Internalize Homophobia

2009-08-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

Internalize Homophobia

Now this is one scary topic if I do say so myself! It would require us to look deep inside yourself and determine if we hate or have a strong dislike for you own people or even yourselves for that matter. I know I have a strong dislike for some people, their behavior, how they represent themselves, how they come off to the not only the Gay community, but how they help the perception of the general population towards Gays as something negative.

I find it interesting how a man can love other men, and still have dislike for what he represents, but something about him. Still have sexual relations with him. As a matter of fact how can you love another if you don’t first have love for yourself? Wasn’t it said that those who judge others are really having a reflection of self. Not in all cases!

I think every Gay person in the world can find something they don’t like about being Gay. It might be within themselves, or outwardly about others of our community.

The dislike can range from social behaviors all the way to jealousy. And beyond. I know for me I really don’t like the way my people dog each other, or have not the slightest clue on how to stand together as one united front, and work effectively with one another to accomplish our common goals which is to gain the equality we rightfully deserve. How can we get this done without first loving yourself thus allowing you to love others, thus allowing all to love the community they are a part of. We can stand together, and get the job done if learn to embrace who we truly are. Remember a divided community is a defeated community.

The part that sucks to me the most is it is bad enough that we have much of the world against us, but to be against ourselves at times is too much even for me the bear. Gay men not liking to be around other gay men, and the same for some Gay women, or women not wanted gay men in their space, and the other way around. Too many bridge, and gaps between the Gay & Lesbian communities, which in my opinion is the same community! See much of the community is not fighting for our equality, and not enough of our own people are standing together to affect change in the general society. Even though we have advanced in our mission on some levels much more is need to be done to get us to where we need to be. Just a few can’t get the job done, and it will take the power of our entire community for that to happen. There is power in number!

We have the closeted Gays who don’t want no others to know they like others of the same gender, and we have others who are on the down low, and would rather put up a smoke screen to fool others so they don’t see who they really are. So they keep up this phony double life, and have these in the light relationships as heterosexuals out in the open in the daytime, and under the cover of night, in the shadows have that secret live that involves others of the same gender. Who are they kidding? Surely no me! They are only fooling themselves, and would enjoy the freedom of walking in the light if they only try to open their mind to the possibility of freeing themselves from the prison they have built around them.

With all that we might not like about ourselves, our community there is something that makes us stay within it. That could be something as simple as the beauty of the male/female physical form, complexion of skin, the variety of cultures could be a liking, or the comfort of being around other who lives & loves as you do. The possibilities are without limits! I strongly believe much more can be said about what we like about our community as opposed to the negative things we don’t like.

How do we combat internalized homophobia? We don’t! You do! How do you combat it? The Answer is quite simple! Show love to yourself first, and then express that love you have for yourself outwardly for all to see. What would that accomplish? Nothing directly, or everything! Point is when a person sees, gets to know you, or knows you their exposed to a person who loves themselves, and that love shows. In your actions, behaviors, and the way you treat the people around you. Like myself People look at the Pride I have in my self & my Sexual orientation, and they say to themselves I wish I had that kind of Pride for myself & my community.

In the words of the late, great Dr Martin Luther King Jr. Free at, free at last thanks God almighty I am free at last. I live for the day that rains true for our community

What more can I say about internalized homophobia? There is no shame in being who you are. God gave you the ability to choose what you like, and whom you wish to love. Don’t let the stigmas, discrimination's, and stereotypes stop you from being all that you want to be.

4 Ever BBOP

(R.E.D.) Reversed Erectile Dysfunction

2009-08-15T04:10:00.000-07:00

Reversed Erectile Dysfunction

R.E.D.

What is R.E.D.? This means Reversed Erectile Dysfunction! For those of you who know what Erectile Dysfunction means you know it is a medical condition for those who either can get an erection, gets an erection and can’t maintain it for a long period of time. R.E.D. is the reversed condition where a person gets frequent, and long sustaining erections. You will not find this condition listed in any medical journals, and you won’t be diagnosed with it by your doctor; or medical professional. This is a condition which I have, and felt the need to put a name to it. This condition to my belief has not bed studied like E.D.

E.D. has been studied deeply, and the science industry has developed medications to combat this problem by increasing blood flow the penile section of the body. Viagra, and celerus is a couple of the treatments designed to treat this issue. For some it has been very effective, and for other it has not. This leads me to believe that it is physiological for some, and a serious medical condition for others.

Many things can be the cause of E.D. lack of interest in a person on a physical level, some kind of blockage, or medication one might be taking like blood pressure, heart, or HIV med’s. Only way to know almost for sure is to consult with your medical primary care professional. One person even suggested that over masturbation might also be a cause of this problem. Lastly studies have shown this condition affects people of all ages, but mostly middle to older aged men. Usually E.D. is the result of an underlining condition. You must see your primary care provider to aid you in discovering why this condition exists, and what is the best treatment to correct this problem.

R.E.D. is a condition, which I am surprised, has not been studied more in men. I would guess not enough men have complained about it so therefore it does not exist. At least not enough to launch a study into it! Most men who have this issue probably feel blessed they can get an erection that is long lasting, and as a top I have never had a bottom who has complain about it with the exception of those who can’t handle being pounded for hours.

For me personally it can be an annoyance, but I have found way of either covering it up by wearing my work shirts on the outside of my pants, or going to the tearoom & putting porn on my phone or Ipod, and choking my chicken until I climax. That usually takes care of the problem at least for the moment. I have been to my primary care provider, and she said, “I don’t see any underlining condition that could be causing it. You are just a horny homo!”

If you have R.E.D. or knows of someone who has this issue please hit me up, and let me know is the experience like for you or the one(s) you know of with this issue.

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Kissing Sons

2009-08-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Kissing Sons

What is a kissing son?

A kissing son is someone who usually is not your biological off spring, and if it is that is just down right nasty, and wrong in my opinion. A true kissing son is one who is considerably younger than yourself, and looks up to you as a father figure within the SGL community. As a Daddy figure to this younger person you take on the responsibility of aiding the biological parents in raising him. You guide, protect, nurture them, and help them become productive member of our society. Only difference is a kissing son also has sexual relations with their adult daddy’s. Some may frown upon this kind of relationship, and other may support it! Point is as a young Gay person a daddy is better equipped to answer, and give guidance in areas foreign to that young person’s parent. Young people still need to be careful of those who are not trying to help them grow, and instead seek to exploit, use, and abuse them. Not everyone who smile, and has an honest face mean you the best. Beware!

When you have a kissing son it can sometimes be the best relationship that younger person has to help him grow into adulthood as a Gay man. The relationship can be equally as important to the daddy figure who seeks to guide, and influence the mind of the younger generation in a positive way. The morals of heterosexuals are different than those homosexuals. Are they? Point is if Hugh Heffner can have a mansion full of young bunnies hopping around him, and Demi Moore can have a younger husband, and it is not frowned on than why is it so debatable when it applies to SGL community. Point is everyone has an opinion, and has the right to express it as long as you respect my right to choose the path I walk on even if you don’t agree it; it is still my right.

Many times you will find a daddy that has many sons! That does not mean he is having sex with all of them. He might just be that daddy that love to guide the youth in the SGL community in an area where they have a void, and does not know how the approach their parent with their issues. These younger men might not be out of the closet, and has so many questions but unless their have an outlet to express themselves might become troubled. This is where it becomes dangerous! They might not get the guidance they need to be safe in the development of their sexuality. They may engage in risky sexual behavior which could lead to STD’s, or even HIV/AIDS. It could also lead to substance abuse. At worse case could become suicidal, and make attempts to take their own life. Homosexual development can at times be too much to handle. More often than I would like admit young people are force to keep these emotions locked inside, and might know of no other way the escape from their pain. The sigma’s and discrimination attached are a big cause in suicidal deaths in the SGL community.

Everyone has their own way of looking at this kind of a relationship, and it may or may not differ from one person to the next.

What is an appropriate age for having a relationship with a kissing son 17, 22, 32?

This is very hard question to answer and again is different for everyone, but I base it on the age of the old man. See if a 45 year old man is having these relations with someone who is half his age might not be wrong. Again it depends! If the 45 year old man is having a relationship someone less than half again might not be wrong. Now if the 45 year man is having relations with someone who is under the legal age of consent that is wrong, and is punishable by the law. A 45 year old who dates someone as young as 25 is acceptable in my opinion.

It has been said many times to me that “age is nothing but a number” Who told you that lie? Age is more than a number; it is point in time that in itself tells where you have been, and how much you have experienced in your life. An older man has had many experiences in his life. Many things not yet discovered by a younger person! Younger people still much to learn, grow, and experience. The older man should never try to take that away from the youth in an attempt to control them.
Who chases who?

Many times it is the younger person who seeks out the comfort of older gentlemen, but it is the older man who makes the decision whether or not to engage in this relationship. In some, but not all cases the older man like the company of younger men, and opens his heart, life, and sometimes even his bed to younger men. They are fresh and not tainted by the world. Curious and seeks answers to many questions not answer by the traditional family unit.

This is where an older man of the same community is vital. The experiences of the older man is looked at by the youth as a tool to learn from, and avoid many of the negative experiences they have heard of, or know of someone who has gone through rough patches. (I have heard of X, Y & Z, and would not want that to happen to me)

As a younger person at one point in my life sought an older man for the reasons listed above. This was essential to my grown and development, and helped me become the man I am today. Somewhere along the line I became the older men I use to date. Now I am sought out by the younger generation and when I ask what is it about older men you are attracted to the answer is always the same. The very same question was asked of me, and again the answer was the same. (Has time come full circle?) I feel for me it was, and I enjoy not only the company of a younger man less than half my age, but enjoy guiding the lives of a younger person in areas where I was not guided by my traditional family, but was by an older gentlemen who has experienced many of the same issues at some point in their own lives.

So if you see this situation, and know there is no intention of exploitation. Take a step back and look at the entire picture. Don’t be so fast to make hasty judgments. Keep in mind that what is best for the young might not be what most would consider traditional values. The most important value is that younger learns to become responsible and productive members of our society. When that younger person is not getting all of what is need to grow in the house hold than he may seek out the guidance of an older person to fill the gap. He may in fact thrive as a result of it.

By BBOP

White Party Moon Light Cruise was Black

2009-08-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

On August 1st I attended the White Party Moon Light Cruise on board the Spirit of New York Yacht. The yacht was the high light of this adventure, and I enjoyed being on the Hudson til the wee hours of the morning. I enjoyed the exotic dancers, and the other who preformed. baron, Dy'ari, Alyson William the first female to sign with Death Jam Records. I can't leave out host Tammy Phay who was a great talent, and co host DJ baker from Da Doo Dirty Show who moderated the best dressed in white with hints of silver & gold competition. James Saunders & Laurence Pinckney were the organizers. Laurence was not pleased by the turn out & felt their shout have more people.Now I am not one to complain or talk badly about events which I promote, but this time I will make an exception. Although this event on the surface had all of the ingredients of a great night it was what went on below the surface that left me feeling flat & confused as to whether I will put so much of my time & energy into another event for them. I think I will, but I must make sure my comp ticket, and all that goes with it is in place before putting it out there, and doing the share thing which I am so well known for.First off I was treated as a scrub by the attendants who where keeping security at the VIP level. After promoting so hard for this event my passage to this section should have been cleared, or my general admission upgraded. The upgrade would have only amounted to a seat on the upper level, and nothing more. Laurence did grant a special entry band to the VIP section, but it for entry only. I found the VIP ticket only included a gift bag & a seat on the upper level. VIP tickets were $100.00, and came with no open bar. WTF! For that much money 1 would think drinks would be part of the VIP package. Not! Drinks were not cheap either. The buffet was tasty!

I was given a gift bag by one person distributing them but will remain unnamed. Sweet, sexy, blk man with all the right stats. The bag contained a few cute things, but the best item was the CD's of some of the nights performers. I will be looking forward to pumping it on the Pride Cast Show.
www.bbops_world_podcast.podomatic.com.

The Best Dressed Competition was by far the most disappointing part of the adventure. I put a lot of energy & thought into my outfit only to find out winners were predetermined, and that was not kewl. What was the point of have a runway show if you already know who won before the so called competition started. WTF! The judging was nothing short of a joke. It was suppose to be on the audience to choose, but in a minute came up with choices not made by audience. Rather chosen by some obvious blind person, or one's with limited vision, or at best a very poor sense of style. Winners were was older woman which seemed me like a pity win, and the 2 sailor girls, but in my opinion were by no stretch of the imagination was the best dressed. If I saw 1 I saw 100 people on this trip that better dressed. What was it sailor girls & being being on a boat is what constitutes a winner? Would they have won if event was not on a boat? I think not!

Taking pictures was hard due to the fact I had to rely on ole faithful PDA, and not my digit camera. Thanks to Mr/Ms. Socialite breaking it by either not paying attention after taking a picture, and handing it back, or was it sabotage. Hmmmmmmmmm!

With every experience I learn more about people, and what their true intentions are. Sad I am either gullible or just too damning. I always try to see the good in people even after they had done me wrong in the past.

Can't say I did not enjoy myself on some level, but I know my enjoyment could & should have been better. We will see what pops off in the future!

Big ups to all the boyz in attendance, and good to see the regulars as always DJ, EJP, Rashawn, baron is so sexy, Dexter, and any others not mention is a mere oversight.

Happy it is over & now on the next adventure, the next social networking event.

BBOP