Is every man in the world damaged or is just the ones who want to date me?
Every time I have met someone over the past few years that I really like has come to me some kind of damage, or baggage. They come to me with real desire to be loved, but also come afraid of giving me their all because of the past relationships they have had. It never fails every new person that touches my life I have to do some kind of damage control, or fix them as the case usually is.
Sometime they come to me with many issues that I feel I have to pay for the mistakes, or messed up relationship of their past. These guys come with beautiful personalities, but because of the wrongs that has been done to them in they’re past relationships. They have been lied to, cheated on, and in some cases suffered from domestic violence. Some come with issues of either needing to control or a need to be controlled. The worst case is when they come with all or most of these issues.
Why do I have to be the one to fix you? This is a question I frequently ask myself as I determine whether or not I want to invest my time and all of that energy into you with no guarantee of a positive result or ever the possibility of getting him over that difficult time. He can’t give himself to me totally until he has gotten over the issues from his past.
How do you help a man who has been so damaged by others which makes it hard to have a productive relationship with him with the absence of all that baggage of the past? One way is to suggest therapy, but we all know that does not always work. Most of the time I tell them they are giving too much of their power to the past, and the people who causes them pain. Ultimately I stand by them and help them to take their power back. It can be s timely process if it is attainable at all.
The biggest part of my problem with this is how many lumps should I take in the name of winning your heart before I throw in the towel, and give up? The fact is I have never won in this situation, which in turn leaves me damaged on some level, but not that damaged that I am, not willing to try again. I however am aware of this, and don’t let it consume me nor do I make the next person pay it. I have come across a few people who are so detached from romance, and the idea of that they can handle nothing more than a day of sexual attention with one person. The suggestion of having more with that person is enough to send them running to a safe place. A place that is as far away from that person as they can get. The damaged goes from being damaged to causing damage, and leaves that man to doubt himself. He asks himself what is wrong with me? What did I do to make him go away? See the damaged one who leaves another damaged never takes the time to say I only want a jump off, or hook up. They rarely enforce the fact that they not able to invest in another so the other does not invest in him. Sad thing is they rarely even have enough courage or respect to tell you that is not the road they wish to travel, and rather then say so they run. This is a cowardly act, but not everybody knows how to deal with conflict, and find it easier just t walk away
Many if not all are damaged in some way. Who is the most damaged? Bi sexual people some might argue are the most damaged, and I have disagreed in every conversation I have had with others. At least they are honest about liking both men & women, but all have said to me they only see one or the other, and do not juggle both at the same time. I am not always a believer that this is true, and choose not to date, invest, or get serious with a bi sexual man. I will however hook up with one just to satisfy sexual needs. Hard to invest in these men cuz in my mind there is always a chance they will leave me to be with a female, and that is inconceivable to me.
I can’t write this bloggable about the damaged ones, and not include the down low boyz. They are in my opinion the most damaged. I feel this way because they are living a lie. They are living a double life, and rarely are honest to his female covers about their desire to be with a man. I have never known one to be this honest but that does not mean they do not exist. They want a relationship with a man but never allow it to go beyond the confines of indoors. This really sucks on so many levels to feel like, and be treated like a secret that needs to be kept. Sad thing is many of us settle for kind of existence. Not I! I have no problem outside of missing honesty component, but to hook up with a DL boyz is fine but only instant sexual gratification. We cum, and you go!
I have broken it down as much as I can about the damage others comes with. What I did not talk about is my own damage, and yes I too much like most if not all others have some kind of damage. Point is some handle it better then others. I am aware of my own damage, and being aware of it is half the battle.
I have damage that might make the typical liars, cheaters, and controllers look like child’s play in comparison. From age 6 to 16 I was beaten, molested, and tortured by my older brother. I never sought any kind therapy for this difficult time in my life, which would leave scared for life. Scared not just from the cuts, and lifetime scare, but leave me mentally scared as well. It is the mental scares that leave the damage, and not the physical ones. In the 1970’s & 80’s perms were very popular amongst females. Revlon was the perm of choice, and during that time the active ingredient in it was lye. My abuser use Revlon perm as a lube to fuck me, and as a result were I burnt internally, and externally. I healed from that experience, but the mental scaring is on going, and may never heal. Point is that even many years later I will not allow anyone to get close to my azz. The damage is in trust! Even when I healed I was at one point versatile many years ago, and because I was not treated in the manner I felt I should be. I pulled that side of myself back until such a time as I find a man to treat me right. 27 years, still counting, and waiting.
In conclusion it takes a big man to know he is damaged, but it takes a bigger man to deal with it. Where are you damaged, and how you deal to deal with it?
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