Life After The Adult Industry
Many times I have met great men who have worked in the adult entertainment industry at some point in their lives, and got out of the business. Porn models, escorts, erotic dancers, and sex workers are designed to entertain us, and satisfy our fantasies in one way or another
These guys are beautiful but have deeply seeded issues from which there might be no return. Aside from the lovers of adult entertainers who were working while in a committed relationship which for the life of me I will never understand nor am I seeking the answers to this puzzling question. I simply chalk it up to them having that understanding, or the lover have developed immunity it this line of work, and views it as just a job. I have found no matter which sector of the industry they have worked once retired most have one thing in common. Their perception of sex and intimacy has been altered dues to that line of work, and the years they’ve done it. I will exclude stripper, erotic dances, and GoGo Boyz unless frequent sex for pay is a factor which many times it is. The aftermath is to the extent of not wanting to have sex often, or very low sex drive. Interesting thing is they think you are the one with the issues.
If you are a single ex adult entertainment or sex worker who has a diminished sexual capacity because of your former chosen career I would imagine it would be hard as hell to find one who will accept those terms, and I will tell you every man from different sectors of this industry who wanted to have a relationship with me are all still single to this very day. Why is this? Simple for me to answer this
question as it has pertained to my experiences with former adult workers. Your perception about sex & intimacy has been altered. I wish I knew how to advise you on how to get back your groove, but that is a struggle for you & you alone.
Without an open mind there is an automatic stigma attached to this line of work either past or present. Most people I know would steer clear of people in the adult/sex service line of work whether it is playing on our fantasies, or the physical act of doing it. It just does not sit right with many! I on the other hand can see a person’s past, and see where they are trying to go towards the further. I also know that people have the ability to makes changes in life, and that is what I home in on. This is the energy I am trying to get at, and help them along on that quest to be better than they once were. I always hoped if it was with a former Adult service worker I could help them along the way. I determined at the cost of compromising my own happiness, and satisfaction just wasn’t worth it.
I once dated a former porn model, and during the act of sex he was not there. His body was here but he was a non participant which made for one boring sexual experience. I was giving it all I had to give, and he just laid there like I was not doing a thing. I nutted fast, and did not want to talk about it after. I enjoyed his company, and if there were two people in the bed enjoying one another it would have been just as great as his company. He was visiting from another state, and I had a great weekend planned which included dinner, long walks, and midnight boat ride. We had the greatest time except in the area of sex. Before the weekend was over he made reference to all of the references to sex I was around house. Erotic picture, my man wall, and after reading some of my pieces he determined I was overly obsessed with sex. Nothing could be further from the truth I argued. The weekend ended & he headed back to his home. We stayed in touch, and really got to know each other. He was a hard worker in his field after the adult industry. He even wanted to move in with me & attend college. He also told me I would get very little sex, but wanted me support him while he went to school. The support would have included me paying all the bills, buying & cooking the food. I was all for it but the issue of sex loomed over us. I revisited this issue, and he stood firm on the fact I was obsessed with sex. At this time I had to put it all out there, and told him how I really felt about his observation, determination & judgment. I don’t have an over obsession with sex. I have an enjoyment of it. There is a big difference I explained. I went on to say your perception with sex & intimacy has been altered because you used your body as a tool to make money. Sorry but there was no way to say that nicely. His feelings were hurt, and he felt belittled which was not my intension. To make a long story short I decided it was not a good idea to enter into a situation where he would get his needs met, and I’d be left with my dick in hand. What would be the point of having a man who could not satisfy my needs as I would satisfy? Ultimately I would have been treated like a sucker, and in the back of my mind I thought he might have left me after getting his degree.
These days I have so much pity, and sorrow for these men who can give only as much as going through the motions, and not being able to feel the passion the interested party wants to express to them. They have been desensitized to true sexual, intimacy, honest, sincere attraction which includes sex. I guess an open mind needs to come from both sides and both parties needs to be willing participants to give it a fear chance. Some people can’t see past their own want, needs, and desires so what the other want is very little of a consideration. I have to ask in the case who is being the selfish one? At times I think it would be me, but a bigger voice in my head says it’s not. Settling for the sake of being in relationship which lacks certain elements would not work no matter how hard you try to make it work. Issues would continue to come up because one is not happy & the other is content because he had it his way. I see no winners in this situation.
What is one to do the achieve happiness? Continue to search for the one who feels right, does right, and treats you the way you feel you should treated. Like the beautiful creation of God you are. Man after man that continues to come & go, and where is there are trying to go? No where except to the next man who will line their pocket with nothing more than change. I guess the old saying is true! You can’t turn a whore into a husband. 3 times I have dated guys over the past 6 years after leaving my lover of 6 years, and being a big porn collector which help take the edge off when there is no one to satisfy me. I have opened files, and much to my surprise I would find them in porn flicks. Once confronted with the newly acquired knowledge interestingly they would deny it. What is the point of lying about it when films tell no lies? A whore will always be a whore, and I wish with every fiber of being this would not be true, but experience after experience has only proven what I know deep inside. You can’t turn a whore into husband.
Some people might agree with the above, and I am sure others will disagree. These are my experiences with those I have encountered formally of the adult industry. For those adult workers who were lucky enough to recondition how they think about the idea of intimacy, and physical attraction I salute you, and wish you nothing but the best. If you have found love you better hold on to it, and if you haven’t keep looking because love is out there for everyone. If you are a former adult worker and still struggling with of opening yourself up for others to come in on a physical level. Please search deep inside your soul and discover what it is you need to get past your past.
Nothing like a good man to tend to your every wants, needs, and desires! You should be willing to give the same in return. We all deserve to be happy even if we don’t have the ability to give the same consideration in return. Someone is out there for everyone!
My spirit has been broken, but I know from these blows I will recover. Broken, and on the edge of not being able to open my heart to another. What would be the point when my heart continues to get trash, and discarded like an old news paper, or day old bagels.
BBOP
Pride Network, Show & Blog
