Bloggables: September 2009

Below the Equator

Wearing your pants below the equator can be hot, and sexy to some, but to others it is frown on big time. I am going to take this time to talk about this highly controversial issue.

For starters most people don’t even know where this behavior originated from, and I too at some have no clue, but like the look on some & not other. Prison is where it started! If you have ever been to prison you know the take your belt, and shoe laces away from you don’t get the idea to hang yourself as a means to an end. Not having on a belt cause the pants to sag of the azz, and the lower you sagged the more meaning it had behind the walls. If you wore your pant totally off your azz that meant you were looking for a husband, but all of the is debatable. Worn part way or fully off the azz it definitely give me a reason to look at your azz.

Many people in political positions of power have attempted to makes law that would make the cultural behavior illegal, and pose stiff punishments to those who are violation of this dress code. President Obama said it best! “I have better things to do than impose laws to make people wear the pants up, but on a personal level pull up your pants”. Your mothers, grandmothers don’t want to see your azz. I have to agree with him on some levels about this behavior, but I also have to play the devils advocate, and say it is a personal right for people to wear their pant in any way they wish. If you have a problem with see someone’s azz you have the choice to not look, but please don’t tell me how to wear my pants, what to do, or how to act. It is my choice, and I o as I wish.

What is the age that saggin pants becomes inappropriate? Again it a personal choice! In my opinion at my age I would not wear my pants below the equator, but I have seen many people my age and older who do this, and at a curtain age to me it does not look right. I think this a behavior that looks better on our youth than it does on an older man.

The reason I feel this is a youthful behavior is simply because we all at some point in our lives set out to make a statement that is original, and unique to that time. It is a cultural thing, and each generation tries to make it own contributions. I am not going to say what my generation contributed because that will affectively age me, and I have grown sensitive about my age in recent years.

As a Gay man I can appreciate when I see a younger man wearing their pants off their azz. There are lines that some cross that makes this code of dress less than flattering. Like seeing an old man do it, or someone that is over a curtain weight. Even though I respect their right to do this I sometimes wonder if they take a good look in the mirror before leaving out for the day. Maybe they do, and just don’t care how they look, or maybe they seek that kind of attention. I can’t imagine why they would do that but whatever works inside of their heads is fine with me. The ones that really make me laugh hard are those who sag & be wearing dingy/dirty drawz. I even have seen one guy who was sporting the latest in skid marks. What a fashion statement he was making.

One of the things I find interesting about saggin pants is seeing female following along this line of dress. I really have no opinion on this one, but I will say I find very few heterosexual females doing this, and more Lesbians joining this fashion craze. I guess anything that represents boyz behavior is the direction aggressive lesbians go. Whether right or wrong it does not solely belong to men, and they have the right to do this as well.

At the end of the day I really enjoy imagining what’s beyond those sagging pants. Could be an awful, or incredible sight to see. So continue to wear your pants below the equator, and allow me the pleasure to continue to look at that bump. This will allow me to continue to wonder what is beyond those falling pants.

Holla @ Cha Boi!

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Public Displays Of Affection

Public Displays Of Affection

(PDA)

How many times have you been out with your man, date, friends, and had the pleasure of seeing two people expressing their attraction for one another in a public domain?

Many times I have had to endure seeing this behavior within the heterosexual community. It has burned me up inside each time I see this display, and thought of my inability to share the same experiences with the one I am seeing at the time. The stigmas, discriminations, and personal beliefs that are attached are the blame. It frustrates the hell out of me that we can’t honor our significant other in the same way as heterosexuals do. Even the lesbian community has made more ground in that area. It was easy for them as most things are in that community. I am not saying it is all peaches, and roses, but they do have it much better than Gay men. Two female walk down the street walking hand and hand, and they are looked at as not much more than girlfriends, and most people doesn’t pay it a second mind. Beside what straight man do you know doesn’t at some point fantasize about some girl on girl action. Two females walking down the street hand and hand; show affection for one another might not be girlfriends. They might be lovers! If a girl touches another female bubs in the name of comparing cup size is acceptable, but you don’t see men grabbing each other jock straps comparing cup size. Even in straight clubs females are even free to dance without it being given another look. Point is the foundation has been laid for female where none has been laid for men.

No I am not trying to come off as a hater, or as Alfalfa from the Little Rascals as the president of the female haters club. I am just demonstrating the difference between the two.

As a Gay man will I ever see the day where I will too be free to express myself to another man without the looks, snickers, comments from people who do not have the ability to accept the life style of those that are different?

Men can these days display affection for one another outwardly, and in the open but these displays are localized to one area of our city, and one area of most big metropolitan cities. These areas are referred to as boyz towns, or the villages of those prospective cities. I have much respect for those who dare to go against the grain, and will display their feelings anywhere, and any time. I myself have not had a problem showing my affection any place, but I have had to deal the negative comments, and looks. I may have never had violence from those who hate what I am doing, but I do know of many who were not so lucky.

There is an absence of laws designed to protect us, and more than often where there are discrimination laws in place fall on the death ears of our police departments. In many cases they fall short due to the same stigmas, discriminations, and personal views as mentioned earlier.

What can we do to make sure our rights are being protected?

The truth is we can’t do much more than what is already being done, or can we? In order the keep the pressure on our politicians, and representatives we have come together as a united front, demonstrate, write letter, Demand we have justice for our victim, and bring home the point the we are people too, and should be protected just as anyone else is. We must the contributions we make to our society, force our representatives to fight for stiffer penalties for those who violate others rights, and demand we not be treated as substandard citizens. These actions will take the power of all of us, and this includes Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgenders, and even the Down Low. If we continue to fade into the background, hide in the shadows, and walk only under the cover of night we will never get our constitutional rights delivered.

Equality is written into the Constitution for all Americans, and should apply to all Americans in which equality is guaranteed under that very Constitution. It is written!

We can sit back and allow other to fight our fight for us, and than jump on the bandwagon after the battle is over, and we have finally won, or you can get involved, and let our battle really mean something to you. The battle is not just mine it belongs to you too.

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“Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye”

“Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye”

Saying it is over can be one of the hardest things to do, but when it is over it is over. What is the point of trying to hold on to something that is no longer there? Sometime it is better to have loved, and lost than to have never loved at all. Imagine if you were one who never knew what is like to ever have true love expressed to you, and hear about so many people who have that love, and took it for granted.

I have loved and have been loved on some levels but never totally. When it came time to say it is over, and neither of us have anything left to give to the other on a physical or emotional level than it is time to put an end to what is inevitable. I never could understand why people stay together when no real relationship even exist any longer. What I hear the most is two people staying together for economical reasons, but to me that is no reason to stay in a relationship that is not working. I feel it is a waste of time to continue. There are even times I feel people use that as an excuse to keep some kind of a hold of the “partner.” It can also be a control issue. One might be more financially stable that the other and that give a person people to control your decision. “You will never make it on your own, and you be back begging for what you have walked away from”. Many other things I am sure you can name that can be used to control the other and prevent them from leaving. At worse case it can be of a domestic violence issue that can keep one from leaving. This is programs, and org that can help you with that problem, and keep you safe.

Many things can be the cause of relationship ending. The biggest one is cheating, and many times one can be forgiven for their infidelity. Once a cheater always a cheater! That depends on how you think about it. Some may still see the good in a person, and that will give them reason to try hard to salvage what they have. That is until the next time it happens! The worse reason I have ever heard another give for staying in a relationship that no longer works is”I can’t do any better”. That is a self esteem issue that maybe so deeply embedded that one will have a hard time rising above that reduced opinion of ones self. In my opinion that will continue until you take back your power, and think of yourself on a higher level. “You are special, and worthy of another’s love” This what you must tell yourself over & over until you get it, and start to make changes in your life on a positive level.

Having friends, family and a positive network of support can be very instrumental in this process if you have the ability to reach and ask for help from your circle of support. This might be particularly hard if you are shameful about your situation, but if not your circle to guild you in a direction of grown into a greater, and better person than who. Remember your close circles of support will if nothing else tell your truth if they are true to the relationship you have with them.

When saying goodbye that I have had to do many times in my life I have used the typical statements many of us have used, and for some reason. Those statements have not change. I have yet to encounter anyone including myself that have come up with a truly original, and creative way of saying bye. “Maybe we can be friends”, “it is not you it is me”, or my particular favorite “I can only be a brother to you”, and my least favorite “It is all your fault, and you bought this on yourself”. There are so many more that I am sure you can think of. I really do prefer the direct approach, and in my attempt to be direct be gentle. Too often I have heard of those who are brutal, and will leave a person they once cared for totally destroyed, and broken. What is most harmful about the tactic is you have not only destroyed them, but also made it next to impossible for next man. The next man should not have to pay for every messed up thing that has occurred before him.

As for that kiss & say goodbye don’t do it, and definitely don’t ask for one more roll in the bed. It is viewed a desperate attempt to hold on. Just let it go! If he asks for just one more time you must be strong, and say no that will not help the situation.

What is next for you once it is finally over for good. Don’t jump into another relationship fast. Give yourself time to digest, and heal from the previous experience. Don’t isolate, and get all depressed. Rediscover yourself, and reevaluate what you want in your next relationship, and don’t settle anything less. Next man that captures your heart be upfront, and direct about what you seek. Bluntly ask the man if he can live up to it, and than without playing games with him test him on it. How do you test a man to if his answers are sincere, or if he is just feeding you a line to get in your yum yum. I have found the best way achieve this goal to not be so fast to jump into bed. Make him what a good amount of time that is to your liking, and if he is still there when you ready than it might be safe to give him a fair chance.

I might not be the foremost authority on relationship issue. I am not a specialist, or therapist. I merely write, and share those experiences I have been through, and those experiences from those I have encountered, and was fortunate to have share their situation, and seen it through their eyes.

Lastly there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help if you can not work through it on your own, and the crisis just too much to bear.

Thanks for taking the time to read this Bloggable, and I hope you got something out of it.

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Below the Equator

Public Displays Of Affection

“Let’s Just Kiss and Say Goodbye”

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