Saying it is over can be one of the hardest things to do, but when it is over it is over. What is the point of trying to hold on to something that is no longer there? Sometime it is better to have loved, and lost than to have never loved at all. Imagine if you were one who never knew what is like to ever have true love expressed to you, and hear about so many people who have that love, and took it for granted.
I have loved and have been loved on some levels but never totally. When it came time to say it is over, and neither of us have anything left to give to the other on a physical or emotional level than it is time to put an end to what is inevitable. I never could understand why people stay together when no real relationship even exist any longer. What I hear the most is two people staying together for economical reasons, but to me that is no reason to stay in a relationship that is not working. I feel it is a waste of time to continue. There are even times I feel people use that as an excuse to keep some kind of a hold of the “partner.” It can also be a control issue. One might be more financially stable that the other and that give a person people to control your decision. “You will never make it on your own, and you be back begging for what you have walked away from”. Many other things I am sure you can name that can be used to control the other and prevent them from leaving. At worse case it can be of a domestic violence issue that can keep one from leaving. This is programs, and org that can help you with that problem, and keep you safe.
Many things can be the cause of relationship ending. The biggest one is cheating, and many times one can be forgiven for their infidelity. Once a cheater always a cheater! That depends on how you think about it. Some may still see the good in a person, and that will give them reason to try hard to salvage what they have. That is until the next time it happens! The worse reason I have ever heard another give for staying in a relationship that no longer works is”I can’t do any better”. That is a self esteem issue that maybe so deeply embedded that one will have a hard time rising above that reduced opinion of ones self. In my opinion that will continue until you take back your power, and think of yourself on a higher level. “You are special, and worthy of another’s love” This what you must tell yourself over & over until you get it, and start to make changes in your life on a positive level.
Having friends, family and a positive network of support can be very instrumental in this process if you have the ability to reach and ask for help from your circle of support. This might be particularly hard if you are shameful about your situation, but if not your circle to guild you in a direction of grown into a greater, and better person than who. Remember your close circles of support will if nothing else tell your truth if they are true to the relationship you have with them.
When saying goodbye that I have had to do many times in my life I have used the typical statements many of us have used, and for some reason. Those statements have not change. I have yet to encounter anyone including myself that have come up with a truly original, and creative way of saying bye. “Maybe we can be friends”, “it is not you it is me”, or my particular favorite “I can only be a brother to you”, and my least favorite “It is all your fault, and you bought this on yourself”. There are so many more that I am sure you can think of. I really do prefer the direct approach, and in my attempt to be direct be gentle. Too often I have heard of those who are brutal, and will leave a person they once cared for totally destroyed, and broken. What is most harmful about the tactic is you have not only destroyed them, but also made it next to impossible for next man. The next man should not have to pay for every messed up thing that has occurred before him.
As for that kiss & say goodbye don’t do it, and definitely don’t ask for one more roll in the bed. It is viewed a desperate attempt to hold on. Just let it go! If he asks for just one more time you must be strong, and say no that will not help the situation.
What is next for you once it is finally over for good. Don’t jump into another relationship fast. Give yourself time to digest, and heal from the previous experience. Don’t isolate, and get all depressed. Rediscover yourself, and reevaluate what you want in your next relationship, and don’t settle anything less. Next man that captures your heart be upfront, and direct about what you seek. Bluntly ask the man if he can live up to it, and than without playing games with him test him on it. How do you test a man to if his answers are sincere, or if he is just feeding you a line to get in your yum yum. I have found the best way achieve this goal to not be so fast to jump into bed. Make him what a good amount of time that is to your liking, and if he is still there when you ready than it might be safe to give him a fair chance.
I might not be the foremost authority on relationship issue. I am not a specialist, or therapist. I merely write, and share those experiences I have been through, and those experiences from those I have encountered, and was fortunate to have share their situation, and seen it through their eyes.
Lastly there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help if you can not work through it on your own, and the crisis just too much to bear.
Thanks for taking the time to read this Bloggable, and I hope you got something out of it.
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