I survived

I survived

I was only 6 yrs old, and did not know or understand what you were doing to me!

You are my older brother who was suppose teach me, protect me, and help me grow into a man.

That Easter Sunday in 1972 is a day that will always stay planted firmly in my mind. That was the day you started your path of destruction of my life.

I survived!

When you violated my person in the many ways you did I cried out for you to stop. I cried out for help, but help did not come until after the damage was already done.

I survived!

You entered me with using Revlon Perm did you not know the active ingredient was lye an acid? The scars soon healed both inside & out, but it is the scars on my mind that will always remain planted in my brain for the rest of my life.

Still I survived!

The glass you forced into my pockets & pushed me down on cut my thigh & hurt like hell& 12 stitches to close, and a tetanus shot is what I got along with the memory of how cruel you were to your little brother.

 I was meant to survive!

Remember mommy’s boyfriend an officer of the law how’s gun you found while snooping through his draws. You put it to my head & pulled the trigger. Thanks God it was not loaded, and the bullets nowhere to be found.

God’s made me survived!

You tried to smother me with a pillows, bashed my head in with so many items I can’t even count. Drown me, burnt me & ever poison me. 

Yet I survived!

You even had the nerve to pull down your pant & defecate on my leg. You made matters worse by finger feeding it to me. To this day I still taste your shit in my mind. 

But guess what? I survived!

That line of bleach & ammonia you poured on the floor, as you stood by the door holding two butchers knives forcing an asthmatic to breathe the gases. For many months after I coughed and could taste the gases as my lungs continued to burn. The memory in my still burns my lungs.

My brother I survived!

For 10 long years I cried, cried, and cried some more. Please don’t! I promise to be a good boy, and do as you demand. Please, please, please stop it! I don’t want to hurt any more.

I really survived

Help me, help me somebody please help me. Why has my cries gone unheard? I cry as I toke yet another trip to the emergency room. Mother why do you not see what your son was doing to me? Mother, mommy I know you are not to blame. You had to work but how else could a single mother provide for her two growing boys in the absence of a traditional family unit.

I had to survive

The sudden touch a man’s hand makes me tremble with dis-ease, trust a foreign concept to comprehend. A relationship with another human being seems out of the question. Yet I try, try, and try again.

I continue to survive

 My life has been a trip for which there is no quick or easy fix. The process is long, and many times I didn’t wish to go on, but I hold on with the support of professional strangers hoping for a brighter day.

I will survive to see that brighter day!

I was messed up in the head or is it you who is more a mess in your brain? I’ve had more men come in and out of my life I seemed to have lost count, but it is you who is on your 3^rd failed marriage & working on the 4^th.

I guess you will survive!

I reached out to find out why you hated me so much, and all you’ve ever hinted at with no apology, nor a hint of remorse was simply you were born & mothers fault.

You wanted me dead, but God would not let you have your way. I’m here, and here I will stay. God had a bigger plan, a better plan. A plan full of hopes, achievements, and a mission for me to remain! Remain to help others survive the same pain.

Job well done because if not for you there could be no me helping others and with each other’s support We help one another to survive!

It won’t be an easy road but we will Shine, and thrive, because we survived!

BeBOP